


A Kat's Tale

by Koryus_Advocate



Series: An Adventure with Murder Kitties [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Hijinks & Shenanigans, cat!Akatsuki, cat!Team 7, cat!Team Taka, minor blood, mostly from off-screen violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:13:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 42,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25533403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koryus_Advocate/pseuds/Koryus_Advocate
Summary: "It was a hot day. A bone-meltingly hot day." And so our heroine decided to take a little trip to a lake. Little did she know that she'd soon be saddled, none too unwillingly, with a batch of furry housemates.
Series: An Adventure with Murder Kitties [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850110
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. Arrival

Chapter 1: Arrival

It was midsummer, and as such it was hot. Very hot. Bone-meltingly hot. A female of the human persuasion was collapsed in a lawn chair, arms and legs sprawled every which way in an attempt to remain cool. Sadly enough, it proved futile. "I'm going to die," she declared to the empty yard. "Then go to the park with the lake and die there," came the reply from an open window. Sometimes she swears her neighbors were a bit too familiar with her.

But they did occasionally give good advice, and this was how she found herself walking along the shore. "Still too hot to live," she mumbled, fully aware that she was getting odd looks. Now, after a few more minutes of slowly melting to death the young female of the human persuasion decided to screw the rules and jump into the lake. Kicking off her shoes as she ran to the water, she was just about to jump in when something caught her eye.

Floating in the water just off the shore was what appeared to be a sack. It was medium sized, an indeterminable shade of brown, and shaking something violent. Eyes gleaming with curiosity, and a bit of dawning horror, she changed course and started running for the sack. Trying to go as fast as the water would let her, our mysterious heroine finally caught up to the rapidly sinking bag and hoisted it out of the lake.

It was heavier than it looked and it took two hands for her to drag the sack onto the grass. Ignoring her clinging shirt for the moment, she promptly set to work trying to undo the knot holding the bag closed. Whoever tied the damned thing was stronger than her, however, and she eventually had to settle on pulling the stupid knot apart with her teeth.

Rubbing her friction burned hands together to ease the pain, she flung the top of the sack open with a flourish. Then promptly covered her face with an arm as a seriously upset ball of fur flew at her. "Whoa! Shit!" Lowering her arm, she just managed to catch a glimpse of a bunch of kittens running off into the playground. Blinking a few times to be sure she saw what she did, she got up off the ground and gathered up the sack before grabbing her shoes and heading home. Wouldn't want any little kids getting any potentially deadly ideas.

"Back already, Mar?" The neighbor from earlier asked, leaning his head out the window. "Thought I got rid of you for the day at least." His wide grin made it clear he didn't really mean anything by it. "Yeah, I was planning on drowning myself, but then I nearly got mauled by kittens and changed my mind." Our mysterious heroine, now known as Mar, shrugged a shoulder before climbing the stairs to her apartment.

Twisting the key in the lock, Mar shoved open the door and waltzed into the entryway. Kicking the door closed behind her, Mar then proceeded to dump her shoes in the corner before tossing the sack into the trash. Hitting the power button on her iHome she danced to her room to change. "It's all in Japanese and I don't know the wooords." She sang along to the beat.

Tossing her soaked shirt onto the floor she grabbed her brown Gaara shirt and yanked it over her head with one hand, while starting to unbutton her pants with the other. Shoving the first hand through a sleeve she switched hands to finish with the shirt, then she focused on changing her pants. Finally in nice dry clothes, she picked up a strand of hair between her thumb and pointer fingers and sighed at the water dripping from the end.

After she'd dumped the soaked clothing in the hamper Mar twirled her way back into the living room. The music coming from the iHome had changed to something a bit more in English. Belting out the lyrics at the top of her lungs, and wincing when her voice cracked on some of the higher notes, Mar barely heard the low scratching sounds coming from the front door. She stared at it for a bit, wondering what in the world was going on.

Giving her head a good shake, Mar bounced over to the door and swung it open. Several furry blurs shot past her into the living room, one or two taking a swipe at her as they passed. Whirling on her toes Mar stared at the kittens who had assembled themselves on her furniture. "Hey!" She yelled pointing at the white one balancing on the back of the couch. "You're the one who tried to take out my eyes!" All the kittens flinched at the sudden sound, but none of them even made a move to run.

'I can't just toss them onto the streets. Not after all the effort to save them in the first place. But how the hell did they even find me here?' Mar continued to stare at her guests. Sighing in defeat, she waved a hand in a lazy 'come-hither' motion. Not bothering to see if they were following her, she wandered into the kitchen where she snagged a bowl out of the cabinet and filled it with water. Setting the very full bowl on the floor very carefully, Mar checked to see if any kittens had followed along. She was pleasantly surprised to see three balls of fluff sitting around her feet.

Reaching down to the one sitting closest to her she rubbed the top of his head lightly. No use freaking the poor little baby out after all. His ear twitched in what she assumed was annoyance, and she found herself apologizing to a cat. "Sorry sweetie," Mar grinned down at them. "I just couldn't resist." Humming along to the music still blaring in the other room, she swung the fridge open and peered into its depths. With an 'ah-hah!' Mar darted an arm inside and pulled out some sandwich meat.

Staring at her choices she frowned as she tried to figure out which she would be the least upset at losing. Deciding that the turkey was an acceptable sacrifice, Mar opened up the package and started shredding it on a plate. When she was sure she had enough for a bunch of starving animals, she carefully placed the plate next to the bowl and backed off. No use losing a limb. The three that had followed her into the kitchen all approached the offering and sniffed it suspiciously. "It's edible, I swear." Mar snickered. "It's the good stuff even. I had to wait in line for that shit."

Leaving the cats to their meal she went back into the other room to see what the other menaces were up to. Two of the kittens, the white and one she would almost call blonde, were tag teaming the smallest kitten. Swooping in from the side, Mar scooped up the white terror mid pounce and held him firmly against her chest. "Now now, children, no fighting." Using the arm that wasn't bracing her hostage in place she promptly began rubbing behind one of his ears. He seemed to melt at her touch and was soon purring like mad. "You, sir, are simply gorgeous. I think I shall call you that."

Walking back into the kitchen, still absently rubbing his head, she saw that most of the turkey had been devoured. Wincing at the loss of her favorite sandwich, she carefully placed Gorgeous on the floor next to the other kitties and set to work shredding more turkey. After eying the overflowing pile of meat, she set the plate back in place and backed off once again. Her new little buddy attacked the food, not showing the same suspicion as his brothers. At least, Mar assumed they were brothers. No way to really tell if they were from the same litter.

After giggling at his expense for a bit, she went back into the living room just in time to see the runt get smacked in the face. "Dude! What'd I say about playing nice?" Mar lifted the little blonde brat by the scruff. Casually tossing him onto the love seat she promptly dropped to her knees and started checking his victim for injuries. "Aw you poor baby. Are you the group scapegoat?" Mar cooed to the small black kitten. Scooping him into her arms she ran her fingers down his back a few times. Instantly a loud purring began to fill the room.

Standing back up, with a very content kitty cradled in her arms, Mar began trying to think of everything she still needed to get to care for her new housemates. 'Litter box, damn. Proper food and water dishes along with the said food. Collars with bells, nothing worse than surprise claw attacks. Uhm, beds! I share with no man! Or kitten!' Nodding her head in response to her own thoughts she carefully set Scapegoat down on the back of the couch and grabbed her shoes. "Okay cute kitties! I shall return, with stuff!" Pausing in the doorway she turned around on a whim and said, "No blowing up my house, m'kay?" She failed to notice all the looks the other kitties were giving the blonde brat.

Standing in the pet aisle at her local grocery store, Mar stared at the small selection of collars. Not only were there not enough for her group of miscreants, but everything was a shade of purple or pink. And everything had either glitter or rhinestones. Somehow she couldn't picture her nearly all male guests wearing anything like that. Glaring at the monstrosities, Mar muttered a few choice words before deciding that a trip to Petco was indeed in order. Flying through the express checkout for the stuff she had managed to find, she tossed her bags into the backseat of her car and then made her way to her next stop.

"Kriistiin! I need some collars for some itty bitty kitties." Mar called out once she was inside Petco. A girl walked out from between two rows of shelves and gave Mar a rather unamused look. "You got a cat? Have you learned nothing?" Mar looked sheepish for a moment. "Well, it's more like I rescued about ten kittens. And no, I will never learn my lesson." Kristin's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "Ten?! Dude you really didn't learn a thing."

"I said about ten... I haven't had the chance to count them yet. And someone tried to drown them in the lake, what was I supposed to do?" Kristin's jaw tightened. She may not have liked cats, but Kristin was firmly of the opinion that people who'd abuse animals deserved to be taken out back and shot. "So... Does my awesome little sis have roughly nine collars for male kitties, and one for a cute little lady?" Mar asked, mouth twitching in amusement when Kristin face palmed.

The two girls walked over to a wall covered in everything collar related. "Bells! I need bells to avoid being attacked in my sleep!" Mar exclaimed, pacing back and forth in front of the display peering eagerly at them all. "Like that one cat we had way back when?" Kristin asked absently, pulling all the blue and tan belled collars off the pegs.

Soon Mar had an armful of the most perfect collars her sister could have possibly found. To add to her joy, she got the employee discount which saved her a decent amount of change. Cackling to herself, Mar said her good byes and made her way home. It had only been roughly an hour, so imagine her surprise when she opened the front door and smoke billowed out.

Dropping the bags she was holding in the doorway, Mar darted in under the cloud and made her way to the kitchen. Somehow one of the cats had managed to turn on the stove, and a towel she'd stupidly left too close had ignited. Eyes darting around the room Mar cursed at the lack of handy fire extinguishers.

The flames started working their way up the wall behind the stove. Coughing as a puff of smoke caught her full in the face, Mar grabbed the hose at the sink and started blasting water. After taking a minute to aim, she starting spraying the flames.

Thankfully, or rather miraculously, the fire was soon out and she was left staring at a long strip of black charred wood. Dropping the hose, Mar started combing the house for felines. Every time she found one Mar would give it a quick examination, making sure they didn't get burned, before moving on to the next one. Eventually the only kitty she had yet to find was Scapegoat, and Mar had an idea which kitty it was who nearly burned down her apartment.

Finally, she found the poor thing huddled in the back of her closet. Mar took a second to wonder how he got the door open, before she was on her knees carefully pulling the little guy over to her. "It's okay, lemme see." Letting her eyes roam over his small frame a few times she soon noticed that he couldn't put any weight on his left front paw. Placing the paw in the palm of her hand she carefully lifted it up so she could get a look. "Looks like you burned yourself a lil bit there buddy." Mar said gently. Lifting the cat into her arms she made her way into the bathroom.

The three cats that had first followed her into the kitchen that afternoon were once again following close behind her. The one in the lead, an orange tiger, was carefully watching her. The blue tabby, also the only female, was on her other side. The last one, and the one farthest from her, was also orange. Walking over to the bathroom counter she set her patient down and bent over to start pulling bandages out from under the sink. "Luckily for you the burn isn't really all that serious. Though it prolly stings like a bitch." Mar murmured, carefully smearing some ointment over the wound before wrapping the bandages over it.

Finishing quickly, since she knew from experience that cats don't appreciate being still for long, Mar soon put Scapegoat back on the floor. He hobbled on his injured leg for a bit until he got the hang of it. Soon he was running back into the living room, where he promptly pounced onto Blonde Brat. Mar shook her head as Scapegoat got knocked off the couch. Noticing her audience she smiled down at the ginger kitty. "See? Your brother is going to be fine." His coat rippled from what could only have been a twitch.


	2. Settling In

Chapter 2: Settling In

After all the cats had been accounted for, and treated, Mar found herself once again in her damaged kitchen. Rubbing her temples roughly, she counted to ten. Then she did it again when the first time didn't help at all. Scapegoat came up behind her meowing pitifully. "I know you didn't do it on purpose, you're a cat after all, but still." Scapegoat proceeded to rub against her legs, purring loudly. Reaching down to give his ears a good rub in return, Mar tried to figure out where she should start on the cleanup.

There's no getting around it. She'll have to hire someone. "Dammit this is gonna cost me money, isn't it?" The brown and black tiger kitty came up behind her and rubbed against her legs. Mar reached down and scratched behind his ears. First things first, time to properly assess the damage. She'll worry about finding a contractor afterwards. Mar vaguely wondered why none of her nosy neighbors had bothered calling the fire department, before shrugging it off. They'd probably thought that she'd just once again caught whatever it was she was attempting to cook on fire.

No, it really wouldn't have been the first time.

The evil towel was barely recognizable, and the stove would definitely need to be replaced. The wall was scorched, but not terribly burned so if she was very lucky a few cosmetic touches would solve that. Not that Mar felt particularly lucky today. Scapegoat seemed to be feeling better by the minute, to Blonde Brat's great displeasure. Mar snickered when Brat shoved Scapegoat off the couch yet again. All in all, it wasn't nearly the kind of disaster it could have been. Plus, she had been trying to think of an excuse to update the archaic kitchen anyway. Yeah, we'll go with that. Whistling softly, Mar walked into the living room as she pulled her phone out of her back pocket. Quickly Googling the information she needed, Mar then called a few contractors and compared estimates before finally settling on one. After many promises of being out to properly assess the damage, Mar hung up and sighed. Not only did she not have a stove, but soon her apartment was going to become a construction site.

Grabbing Scapegoat before he had a chance to properly pounce on Brat, she carried him with her into her room where she promptly fell back on the bed. Sitting Scapegoat on her chest, Mar used both hands to rub down his back. Immediately the room was pulsing with the sound of Scapegoat's purring. "Wait. I never did grab those bags. Or shut the front door. Not my day." Using her right hand to place her little buddy on the bed next to her, Mar rolled over off the bed. Landing on her feet, she made her way over to the front door and grabbed the bags she'd previously abandoned there. Setting them on the coffee table, Mar turned back to the door and tried to remember if there was anything still in the car. Satisfied that she had, in fact, made it all in one trip she kicked the door closed and went over to start unpacking everything.

After the bowls had been placed in the living room, temporarily of course, and the litter box in the bathroom, etc etc, Mar lifted the collars into the air. Bouncing her arm, she made all the bells tingle before she swooped down on her first victim. Gorgeous, seeing her aiming for him, tried to duck underneath the love seat but was not quite fast enough. Pinning him down with one hand, Mar took the collar and fastened it around his neck with her other hand. All those years of practice have finally paid off. Unfortunately the other cats had seen what she had planned, and they had streaked off like cute little fuzzy bats outta hell. "You can run, but you can't hide." Mar sang out as she skipped off after them. Brat hooked a sharp right and dived under her bed. The orange tiger and the blue tabby had both decided to jump onto the bed and squirm their way under the covers. Mar soon appeared in the doorway. Walking over to the bed, she leaned against it.

That was when she noticed the two barely discernible lumps in the comforter. 'Clever hiding spot, but there is a downside.' Mar thought grinning as she slammed both arms on either side of the lumps. Trapped, Tiger and Tabby both started struggling against her hold. They were no match against the girl, however, and soon they found themselves sporting a tan and royal purple collar. One decisive nod later found Mar combing the rest of the apartment. She had managed to find all of the kittens except for Brat. Some had managed to squeeze themselves into cabinets. One was in the bathtub, even. As Mar was standing in the middle of the short hallway leading from the living room to the bedroom, Scapegoat pressed himself against the backs of her legs and pushed her in the direction of her room. Looking down at him in surprise, Mar soon nodded and walked back into her room to look again. 'He isn't...' She thought, looking at the space under her bed.

One firm face palm later, Mar had swooped down under the bed. Grabbing at Brat she missed epically, and sped off after the fleeing feline. The high speed chase led them into the bathroom, where Mar tried to block Brat's escape only to have him feint to the left. When Mar moved to block him, Brat doubled back over himself with a limberness only a cat could manage. Darting past the frantically reaching girl Brat sped away towards the living room. Before he could lodge himself under the couch, Scapegoat promptly sat on him. Mar grabbed him as he was about to rip poor Scapegoat's eyes out. "Thank you, little love." Bracing Brat against her chest she slipped the last collar into place. With a large exhalation, Mar sank onto the couch and was immediately covered in cats. Well, two cats really. Gorgeous and Scapegoat each took a side and pinned their new attendant in place. After a few minutes of scratching her two new buddies behind the ears, and running her fingers down their backs, Mar decided that she really needed a shower. Swinging through the kitchen on her way to the bathroom, she opened the windows to air the place out a bit. Finished with that she hip bumped the bathroom door closed behind herself and twisted the shower on.

While waiting for the water to heat up, Mar started peeling her shirt over her head. When she got a good look at just how grimy it was Mar made a face at it before tossing it into the sink. Then the shower started steaming and she hopped in. An hour later found a pruney looking Mar standing in the middle of her room, wearing a towel and tapping her lower lip with the tip of a finger. There were two cats sitting on her bed, a black one and a blue tom. The black was larger than her little Scapegoat, and the blue was the largest of all. Except maybe for the black and brown tiger, but she'd yet to see them close enough together to really be sure. Turning her back on them, Mar studied her closet for a moment before she found the pajamas she'd been looking for. A moment later, Mar was dressed in her Deidara pajamas. Yawning hugely, and nearly regretting all the running around she did that day, Mar turned back to the bed and felt her mouth twitch. The kitties had both flattened their tummies to the bed, and were now covering their eyes with their paws. 'Why am I always the one with the weird ass pets?' She asked herself. Scooping up a cat in each arm, Mar gently tossed them out into the hall. Before she could close the door two more kitties ran in. Shaking her head, and silently asking god 'why?!', Mar opened the door and decided that whichever cats wanted to come in could. Scapegoat and Gorgeous ran for the bed, ducking underneath her arms as she tried to stop them, and took up the space at the head of the bed. "Oh, no you don't." Mar admonished them, shoving Scapegoat over so she could claim her spot. After she'd settled herself under the covers, Gorgeous pressed himself against her back while Scapegoat curled himself against her stomach. Soon enough she felt another small body curling up in the bend of her knees.

With the final available spot, which happened to be precariously balanced on top of her, being taken by the smaller orange kitty Mar decided that it would be very bad if she needed to go to the bathroom later that night. Thankfully she hadn't really had anything to eat, or drink, that evening. An extra large breakfast would make up for that. With one final look at the kitties she could actually see, Mar sighed and went to sleep.


	3. Continuation

Chapter 3: A Continuation

A single ray of cheerful sunshine made its way through a narrow crack in the curtains and fell mercilessly on a single visible eye. Said eye squinched itself tightly against the unforgiving ray, it's owner growling in frustration, before giving up the fight and rolling out of bed. Or, well, Mar tried to roll but soon found herself very well stuck. Craning her neck around to see what the problem was, she was soon greeted with the sight of multiple balls of fur wedging her in place.

Oh, right. She'd adopted.

Groaning out at the injustice of early mornings, Mar carefully picked up the little orange ball of fluff that was anchoring her down, and set him next to Brat. They seemed to get along relatively well. A little eye peeked at her as she carefully worked her way out from among all the rest of the fuzz balls. After eyeing her for a moment, its owner let out a little whuff before going back to sleep.

Mar stretched as she walked into the bathroom to start getting ready for the day. Yesterday had been her only day off this week, and after the little fiasco she had a feeling that she'd be working overtime for awhile to make the damages up. A truly depressing thought. After a quick shower she changed into her work clothes and snatched up her keys. A tiny meow behind her made Mar pause long enough to give the little guy a quick scratch behind the ears. Then she was off, on her way to hell.

Working with the public is some form of cruel and unusual punishment. Working customer service is even more so. Mar was firmly convinced that idiocy should be a felony. After yet another woman complaining that she can't return obviously used clothing, Mar was quite ready to punch the next one to try right in the face. Thankfully, the last half hour of her day was very uneventful and she soon found herself heading home.

After yesterday, Mar was a little leery about what she might find when she walked through that front door. When there was no billowing cloud of smoke to greet her, she took it as a good sign. When there wasn't any glass littering the floor, Mar took it as another good sign. Realizing that she'd completely forgotten to close the windows in the kitchen, Mar was sure that this was where things were going to go the hell. Mar rushed into the kitchen and stopped short, staring at a long streak of blood that started at the entryway and ended at one of the windows.

Sitting underneath the window was a very smug looking Gorgeous, joined by Big Blue. Gorgeous was licking what looked suspiciously like blood off of his front paw, purring contentedly. "I have to get a 'Beware: The Cat is Shady as Fuck' sign, don't I?" Mar carefully walked over the bright red streak and looked out the window. The windowsill was coated in more blood, but thankfully there wasn't a body on the ground outside. She was sure there'd be a wrongful death suit, and she really couldn't afford to pay off a settlement.

Grabbing a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle of Clorox (R) bleach, Mar set to work cleaning up the floor. Bad enough she had to admit to her cats burning it down, she didn't want to also admit that they seriously injured a person. Even if said person was attempting to break into her apartment. "Who's my good little buddies?" Mar cooed to the kitties, rubbing her face against Gorgeous' side. She was already at his level from wiping up the floor, and she definitely didn't want to get bleach on the cat. Even if he was already white.

Her task finally finished, Mar scrubbed the bleach off her hands. Feeling nauseous from the fumes she exited the kitchen and sat on the edge of the couch. Putting her head down she ran her fingers through her hair a few times, waiting until she was sure her stomach was firmly under control before looking up again. The cats had her surrounded, one on either side of her, two on the back of the couch behind her head, the rest scattered around her feet. The minute her lap was free, Scapegoat and Gorgeous got into a mini kitty brawl over who got it. Gorgeous won, seeing as he was bigger, and Scapegoat settled for climbing up onto her shoulder. Mar wasn't sure how he managed to balance himself up there so easily, but whatever works for the adorable little guy. Now that she thought about it, it was rather odd how clingy these cats seemed to be.

Rather, shouldn't they have trust issues? Their last owners had tried to drown them in a lake, after all. Not to mention, she had yet to be entirely out of sight of all the kitties at any one time. Except when she went to work, and the hour she was gone shopping yesterday, but really. Mar would even bet that if she left the door to the bathroom open, someone would follow her in. It's the way someone would act if they were afraid of being abandoned. Mar made it a point to scratch behind each and every kitties ears, rub their backs and just give them all sorts of horribly sappy love. Eventually even the clingiest of cats got sick of her and retreated.

Now sitting by herself, Mar smiled at the cats lounging around the room in their own little groups and thought about what dinner could possibly be. Her stove was dead, there was no way she could afford to eat out every night until it was fixed, and she had no desire to eat microwaveable meals for an unknown amount of time. It just didn't sound all that appetizing to her. However, Mar soon realized that she didn't have all that much of a choice. Letting her head hang in sadness for about a minute, Mar went back into the now aired out kitchen and started heating up a frozen dinner.

After the ridiculously loud beep sounded from the microwave, Mar grabbed a fork and went back to her spot in the living room. Stabbing the mystery meat a few times she decided that if it wasn't edible they couldn't sell it. With this comforting thought Mar finished up her sorry excuse for a meal and cleaned up after herself. Glancing out the window, Mar decided that it was still early enough for a walk.

Grabbing her iPod off the iHome, and her headphones off the end table, Mar slipped her shoes back on and headed out the door. Big Blue and Silent slipped out the door after her, walking on either side of her as she went down the street. It wasn't the first time a cat had gone on a walk with her, she had had some pretty strange felines before, but it was the first time a pair of kitties had served as an escort. That's exactly what it felt like, too. As if she were an important personage being escorted for her own safety.

Now, normally Mar didn't like going somewhere without an actual destination in mind. It felt like a waste of time and energy, and as the impatient lazy person she is this was mostly unacceptable. The only exceptions Mar would make to this general rule was for her sister, and on those nights she had trouble falling asleep. On those nights, usually when her nightmares were more intense than normal, she had a route she would take. Starting at her house, of course, Mar would go down the street for a few blocks until she hit he playground and then she would loop through it back to her house.

The walk would calm her down enough for her to try sleeping again. Thankfully this didn't happen often, seeing as how Mar was usually fully in control of how her dreams played out. It did happen, though, which caused her all sorts of grief. Lips twitching in amusement as the neighborhood cats all tried to lure the new guys into a fight, only to be completely ignored by both of her companions, Mar finally hit the playground and got ready to double back. Big Blue found something interesting to bat around over near the merry-go-round, and was nearly left behind when he noticed that Silent hadn't stopped to check it out as well.

The rest of the day was relatively uneventful, thank the gods, and soon Mar found herself once again getting ready for bed. Instead of her Deidara pajamas, which still needed to be washed, she dug out a pair of plaid pants and an oversized white tee. Once again assuming the position they had all taken last night, Mar soon found herself covered in cute little fuzz balls. Looking around herself with a rather wry expression, she sighed before snuggling into the warmth and drifting off to sleep.


	4. Tantrum

Chapter 4: Tantrum

The next few days settled into a nice routine for Mar. Wake up, move whichever kitty had made her into a bed that night, head off to work. Sometimes she volunteered to stay later, the upcoming renovations constantly on her mind. Go home, make sure the cats hadn't broken/set fire to anything, or mauled a poor trespasser to death. Yes, after the first botched break in there were others. Two others, to be more specific, and both times Mar came home to find trails of blood weaving a drunken path back to the nearest exit.

And then there were the frozen dinners. Mar was thoroughly tired of all the frozen meals. If she had to look at one more, Mar was sure she'd flip the eff out. The contractor, who had sworn up and down that someone would be out before the end of the week, had yet to make an appearance. So she still had no functioning stove, which drastically limited her choices. Staring into the freezer once again, Mar slammed the door shut with enough force to make it bounce back open. Silent, who was sitting on the counter behind her, jumped at the sudden noise.

"No. I refuse." With that little declaration of war, Mar grabbed her keys and headed for the door. Immediately Brat and Orange raced off after her. Mar's lip twitched as they started walking on either side of her. Every time she'd left the house, other than going to work, she'd always had an escort. Guess that first time wasn't just a one-time thing. Shaking her head, Mar started off down the street. After two blocks, she hooked a left and went another half block before approaching a house.

"Momma! Feed me~" Mar announced, opening the door. Two streaks shot past her before she could get the door closed. There were already two people sitting on the couch, a couple judging by the way they were sitting, and the girl had her eyebrow raised. "You know two cats just followed you inside, right?" Mar nodded, smiling at her little escorts, before her head whipped back and forth. "Where is he? Where'd you hide my adorable nephew?"

A small child appeared from thin air, and promptly tackled Mar to the ground. "Auntie Lena!" Brat took advantage of the situation and claimed the perch on her shoulder. "Auntie, there's a kitty on you."

"I know, Kayden, I know."

"Why is there a kitty on you?" Kayden asked, giving Brat an appraising type of look. He was clearly thinking 'is it worth the risk?'. Mar glanced at Brat out of the corner of her eye. "I'm not really sure, Kayden. He just likes it up there, I suppose." Brat's motor started going, and he rubbed his face against hers. Orange had made his way onto the back of the couch, where he could see everything that was going on.

Getting a grip under Kayden's arms, Mar got herself back up onto her feet. Brat dug his claws into her shirt to anchor himself in place. Walking as smoothly as possible, to avoid having claws shred her poor shoulder, Mar walked into the kitchen looking for her mother. "Mama, I'm hungry." Mar whined, leaning against the counter. Brat's ear twitched at her tone. "Go home and make something." Her mother responded, washing dishes.

"While I would normally have nothing against this, I'm afraid that... Well... My kitchen kinda got... Burned down?" Mar said, slowing down as she went. Her mother turned around slowly, her hands dripping from the soapy water. "We didn't hear any sirens." Mar fidgeted even more. "Yeah, I didn't call nine-one-one, I put it out myself." The look of horrified disbelief on her mother's face would have been funny had Mar not felt guilty about the stupid stunt she'd pulled. Brat seemed to agree, seeing as he lifted a paw to bat her on the head.

"Did you just hear your sister?" This was directed to the two on the couch. "She put out a fire by herself." Mar flinched as a finger was pointed dramatically at her. "So, Auntie's a fireman?" Kayden asked, crouching on the couch in front of Orange. "No, Auntie's just a scarecrow." His mother said, giving Mar a 'how could you be so stupid' look. "Mant, only daddy can call me that. It's our thing."

"How did you manage to burn down your kitchen. I thought you learned that some things simply don't belong in the microwave." Mar shrugged her unoccupied shoulder. "One of the cats managed to turn on the stove while I was out." Mant looked from Orange, perched behind her head, to Brat. "Which one did it?" She asked, wagging a finger between the two. "Oh, no. It was one of the other kitties still at home."

"One of the other kitties? How many do you have?" Mant asked, giving her a flat stare. "Nine males, and one perfect little lady." Mar saw her about to comment and held up her hands. "Wait, wait! I saved their fuzzy little butts, of course I would keep them after that." Mant continued to give her a look, "Saved them how?" Mar continued to hold her hands up in the universal sign of surrender. "Whoever owned them before tried to drown them in the lake near my house. I pulled the little darlings out."

"Tried to drown them?" Mant asked in disbelief. "We didn't even consider that when we had the crazy cat factory going." Oh yes, the crazy cat factory where kittens were constantly being born. "I know, right?" Mar agreed, rubbing Brat behind his ears. "Wait, you jumped in to save them? Mar, you can't swim." Orange lifted his head instantly and stared at Mar in a rather unnerving, unblinking kind of way. "Yeah, well, when a sack is moving omits own it usually means there's something alive inside." Mar said, shifting uncomfortably.

"Well, I hope those cats appreciate being alive." The other occupant of the room finally said. He had been listening to their conversation silently, as he's known to do. "I'm sure they do, Nate. They haven't left me alone since." Mar said cheerfully. With that last comment, the conversation soon changed to the gossip her family's more prone to.

Kayden, much to her amusement, couldn't quite seem to get up the courage to pet either of the cats. He claimed it was because they didn't want him to, because it was demeaning. Mar was impressed that her three year old nephew knew a word like that. His parents said he'd never used that particular word before. He must have picked it up somewhere. After she was fed, and had listened to enough of her sister's moaning and groaning about co-workers, Mar gathered up her escort and went home.

There was another blood streak to greet her at home.


	5. Game Night

Chapter 5: Game Night

It was on one of her rare days off that Mar found herself on the couch watching Animal Planet. It was one of the big cat shows they rarely have on anymore, and Mar was enjoying the company of her own little group of felines. During a commercial/cuddle break she heard the front door open and the sound of footsteps coming down the hall. Tiger, who was currently on her lap, stiffened slightly as he stared unblinkingly at the entrance to the living room.

Soon enough a boy came into view. "Yo," he said, waving at Mar as he took a seat on the recliner. "S'up Big Guy?" Mar replied, running her hands up and down Tiger's back. After the frequent break ins, she could understand how her kitties would be a bit on edge. Brat and Scapegoat came bounding into the room from wherever they'd been holing up, and stopped short as they saw the newcomer. Ears pressed to the backs of their heads, they each hissed at him before jumping up onto the couch.

"Sorry about them, they're a bit on edge lately." Mar said, glancing between her two little bodyguards. "I heard you were a crazy cat lady, but damn." Big Guy said, amusement clearly visible on his face. "This is nothing, the other seven are off doing whatever cats do when you aren't watching them." Mar told him, trying to calm her babies down. "Dudes, relax, it's only my brother." Yes, her family has a strict open door policy. Knocking is also against the rules; the only time you don't just walk in is if the door is locked.

"Did a cat really set your kitchen on fire, or was Mantha messing with me?" Big Guy asked, stretching in his seat trying to see over her head. The apartment was small, a living room, bedroom, bathroom and kitchen. The only two rooms with doors were the bath and bedrooms, and the way the rooms were set up, if you could get a good angle you could look from the living room right into the kitchen.

This is because the only thing separating the two rooms was a counter, rather than a wall, so that the apartment didn't appear even smaller than it is. "Yes, this guy," a nudge for Scapegoat, "decided that turning on the stove would be a fantabulous idea." Scapegoat's ear flicked back in her direction. Tiger was staring holes into the back of his head. Mar was sure that if he were human that would be a most impressive glare. "So Mantha wasn't messing with me." Big Guy said, relaxing back into his seat. "How bad is it?"

Mar's head flopped forward in despair. "Bad enough that I'll have to pay someone to fix it." Big Guy whistled softly. "That sucks, dude." Mar nodded in agreement. "So, about your t.v..." He continued, trying to look innocent. "You have your own, why do you insist on using mine?" Mar asked, an eyebrow raised in amusement. "Because yours is bigger." Big Guy replied with a perfectly straight face. Mar managed not to snicker, but it took far more willpower than she usually possessed. "Fine, you can use it for your games. Long as you don't bite my head off for laughing every time you die." He hadn't even waited to hear the second half of Mar's statement, Big Guy was already heading out the door to grab his Xbox.

As he set up his system, and got the Internet all set up, Mar shook her head and made her way into her room. If she was going to be stuck on the couch watching someone else play a game, she'd better grab something for her to do as well. Snatching her iPod off the table next to her bed, Mar paused long enough to pat Phantom on the head before heading back out into the living room. Big Guy had already started up a game of Nazi Zombies, and Mar watched as he ran around the dilapidated building trying to hold it against the horde single-handedly. "This game is easier if you have at least one over person playing, y'know." Mar pointed out, playing Restaurant Story on her iPod. A grunt was her only answer. Tiger reclaimed his spot on her lap, and she wrapped her arms around him to more comfortably play her game. For the first time since Mar adopted him, he started to purr. A small smile appeared on her face as she served her first dish of the day. This was how the rest of her day went. Watch Big Guy die in epically painful-looking ways, work on redesigning her restaurant in the game, and rub her chin against Tiger's head just to hear him purr again. Before long, Big Guy tossed his controller onto the table next to him and got up with a stretch.

"Tired of being eaten alive already?" Mar asked, still playing her game. All she got was a dirty look in response. Mar's lip twitched as she watched her brother pack up his Xbox and get ready to go home and sulk. Sore loser doesn't even begin to describe him. When he was gone, Mar turned the channel back to Animal Planet but soon sighed in disappointment. The only thing on now was one of the swamp-y lizard shows. Deciding that it just wasn't worth channel surfing to find something else to watch, she finished up in her game and headed back to her room. Not exactly the way she was planning on spending her day off, but it was still fun nonetheless. Gorgeous was the one who claimed the spot on top of her that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The nicknames Mar's established for the kittens are just that, nicknames she's come up with to keep them straight in her own mind. Most of them aren't permanent either, Mar still needs to get a feel for their personalities. Thanks for your time.


	6. Assault

Chapter 6: Assault

"Maybe working overtime doesn't agree with me after all." Mar mused, sprawled out on the couch. She'd woken up that morning with a fever. That's it, just a fever. No aches, pains, or queasiness so she figures it could be worse. Mar just refuses to stay in bed, which is why we find her cocooned in her comforter on the couch. Tabby was lying on top of her today, with Orange squeezing himself in the only space next to her. Scapegoat and Silent were lying on the floor next to the couch, where her feet would normally be, each giving her occasional sidelong glances.

Dark Tiger was on the back of the couch, his tail hanging over the side and occasionally brushing against her cheek. The one thing all the cats had in common, their fur was soft. Like, what you'd think a cloud would feel like soft. It was crazy. The rest of her housemates were M.I.A, off doing whatever kitties do on their own. The t.v was on, tuned to some random channel, mostly used as background noise. Mar can't stand silence, but the last time she had her playlist on an inappropriate song came on and Mar could have sworn that Silent and Tiger were giving her looks.

Another commercial came on and Mar could feel her eyes getting heavy. Turning off the t.v, Mar snuggled down into her pillow and decided to pass out. Every so often Tabby would press her face against Mar's, and Mar would press her face farther into the pillow. There was no escaping Tabby, however, and the little nudges continued. A few hours of on and off napping later, Mar was woken up. Blinking in confusion, since she was not yet fully aware of what it was exactly that had gotten her attention, Mar glanced around the room. It was empty.

Now alarmed, since her cats had yet to leave her fully alone, she got up off the couch and made her way to the small hallway separating the living room and kitchen. A noise from the kitchen had her freezing in place, alarm melting into mouth drying fear. That was not a cat. None of the cats make noise when they're moving about. The bells don't even tingle, to her disappointment. Glancing between the entryway not two feet in front of her, and the front window across the room Mar debated what to do.

Did she have enough time to make it outside before whoever it was came into the living room? Hell, they didn't even need to enter the room, all they had to do was get a good look over the counter into the living room. She was standing in plain sight, like a fool. Ticked off at this thought Mar dropped to the ground and slunk her way behind the couch. Now she was out of immediate sight, but the front window was still on the opposite end of the room. If she could ninja her way along the edge of the room to the window, Mar could climb out onto the landing.

Thankfully she'd left it open to air the place out a bit. Feeling like you're on fire has its benefits, apparently. Settling down to all fours, Mar started crawling behind the couch towards the recliner Big Guy had been sitting in the other day. Or was it last week? Days blend together when you have a routine going. Suddenly she heard a yowl, followed closely by a howl of pain. Seems like the kitty cavalry had decided to make themselves known.

Mar was surprised that word on the street hasn't spread about how dangerous her house is.

Peeking out from around the edge of the couch, Mar saw Scapegoat come flying through the entryway. He got up, hissing and spitting, and darted back out into the kitchen. Mar stared after him, that was the first time she'd ever seen Scapegoat acting at all aggressive. Shaking her head, Mar focused once again on the task at hand. Sure that the trespasser was more than occupied she darted through the gap between the two pieces of furniture and froze. Listening for any sounds, Mar strained her ears.

When nothing that sounded like her having been caught came to her attention, Mar released the breath that she had been holding and looked around the chair. The window was next to the t.v, behind the table she usually had her iHome on. Mar would have to climb over the table to get at the window. Listening once more for anything out of the ordinary, Mar held her breath and made a break for the table. Climbing on top of it in record time, Mar was just about to throw herself out of the window when a small pang of guilt hit her.

It was when she was taking those few seconds to wonder if she should be helping out her pets, they were just young adults after all, that Mar found herself being yanked back into the apartment. Looking over her shoulder in wide-eyed alarm, Mar saw a seriously angry guy hanging onto the back of her shirt with a death grip. He opened his mouth, presumably to start cursing her out for her bloodthirsty babies, when a black and white blur shot into his back and he gave a shrill shriek.

Yanking herself out of his hold, and getting a sharp shove from Big Blue, Mar threw herself out the window. Saving herself from taking a tumble down the stairs, Mar got to her feet and started running. When she got to the park, where she'd first met her little darlings, Mar sat on one of the swings and tried to catch her breath. By the time she felt as though she could breathe again, the ground around her feet was full of furry bodies all of which were winding themselves around her legs. "Have I told you lately that I love you all to pieces? No? Shame on me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a problem. I dunno if you noticed, or if I've been good at catching the slip ups, but I sometimes can't keep my tenses straight. If you notice horrible grammar please, please, point it out. Thanks.


	7. Mortification Part One

Chapter 7: Mortification Part One

So, it would seem that running for your life with a fever leads to complications. Irritating complications like chills, runny noses, pounding headaches and a general desire to throw oneself off a cliff. Sadly, Mar wasn't sure where she would find a cliff nearby so she had to settle for whining like a baby. "You'll live." Her mommy said, glancing at her while about to head out the door. "I dun wanna." Mar muttered, voice muffled by the comforter over her face. It would also seem that the stress of being forced to call out, and therefor make less money, could also serve to make what should have been a minor illness feel like a death sentence.

Squinting at the television, since Mar is stubborn and still refuses to stay in bed, she scowled at the crap that passes itself off as entertainment. "Why would I care what a bunch of immature grown women do with their lives?" Mar growled, hand already searching for the remote. She retracted her hand with a hiss when it was attacked by Tabby. Tabby had an issue with her not being in bed, it seemed, as did all the other cats. Though only Tabby resorted to capital punishment to get her point across. Brat and Gorgeous were giving her the 'silent treatment' so to speak.

Mar rubbed her hand, muttered "Traitor." under her breath, and glared at the kitties assembled around the room. With a huff of annoyance, Mar hoisted herself upright and waited for the room to stop spinning before heading back to bed. Stubbornness be damned, it wasn't worth being assaulted over. Once again wrapped in her cocoon, Mar soon felt the now familiar weight of all her sleeping partners getting themselves comfortable. "You are all lucky that I love you."

Two days of wishing she were dead later, Mar was at her family's house playing arts and crafts with Kristin. There was a long streak of gold glitter smeared down the right side of her face, and her shirt looked like a Twilight character had vomited all over it, but Mar was too absorbed in her task to really notice. Tracing over the outline she'd just made, Mar then colored it in with black paint and liberally dosed the whole thing in even more glitter.

When she was done, finally, Mar held up her two masterpieces. That morning she had gone to several stores in search of an appropriate 'Beware of cat' sign only to come up empty handed. So instead she'd gone to the dollar store and gotten two big poster boards and set to work using Kristin's supplies to make her own. One said in big block letters, 'Caution: The Cats Have Developed a Taste for Human Flesh. Enter at Own Risk.' The words shone with gold glitter. The second simply said, 'You Have Been Warned.'

Kristin inspected the signs and nodded in approval. "Was all the glitter really necessary?" She asked, eyeing the mess all down Mar's front. "I was going for informative, yet fun." Mar responded, beaming at her handiwork. "This one," shakes 'Caution' sign "is going out front by the door. And this one," shakes other sign "is going in the kitchen on the wall opposite the windows. That way it'll be the first, and last, thing they see before Gorgeous rips their eyes out."

"Doesn't it bother you at all that your cats killed a man in your living room?" Kristin asked her older sister. Mar gave her sister a look. "Not particularly, no. Well, maybe if I'd been there to see it I'd be singing a different tune." She scooped up Dark Tiger, her escort for the day, and pressed him into her goo covered chest. His ears went back. When the low growl started Mar deemed it wise to let the poor boy go. "Besides, they're momma's little babies. How could I be afraid of them?"

Kristin shook her head, along with Gorgeous who had also come as an escort, and went back downstairs. Mar picked the two signs up and followed after her, closely tailed by Dark Tiger and Gorgeous. Big Guy was in the living room, hijacking the big screen and playing Zombies online. He was also cursing out this one player who obviously had no idea what he was doing. 'Ha, listen to him rant. Such language.' Once again, sore loser. Though Mar would be yelling at the poor guy too, if he'd gotten her killed. Anger issues are genetic it seems.

Looking into the kitchen, Mar said good bye to her dad before heading back home. She had wanted to wait until her mom got back from the store so she could say good bye to her as well, but patience is a virtue Mar does not possess. There was a welcoming committee on the landing when she got back to her place, Tiger and Tabby lounging out in the sun, and Mar presented her hard work to them before going inside for some thumb tacks. It had made itself obvious to her that Tiger was alpha kitty, based on how one hiss from him tended to stop most of the cat brawls before they could get out of hand.

Mar had started to refer to him as Boss Man when she thought of him. That would make Tabby, First Lady then because whenever Boss Man was off on his own First Lady kept the boys in line. Dark Tiger and Gorgeous meowed a greeting to the two lounging cats, waiting for Mar to reemerge from the apartment. When she did, Mar put the first sign up by the door and then felt her lip twitch as Boss Man and First Lady seemed to inspect it. When their eyes closed in seemingly content approval, Mar shook her head as she went back into the apartment to put up the second sign.

It was as she was finishing up with the second sign that she noticed just how bad her shirt was. "They let me go out in public like this?!" Mar exclaimed, horror plastered all over her face. Glancing down she saw that Dark Tiger was in the same predicament. If she didn't know any better, Mar would say that Brat was laughing his little kitty butt of at poor Dark. Picking up the sparkly cat, away from her chest this time, Mar inspected the damage. "I'm sorry buddy, but this is a mess only soap and water will fix." Her face scrunched up in mock tears, "I'm a horrible person. I messed up your amazingly soft fur. I should be taken out back and beaten."

Surprisingly, when Mar carried Dark into the bathroom he didn't try resisting. Even when she turned the water on in the tub, no frantic trying to escape. Figuring that he was going to be a good boy, and take his bath like a man, Mar figured she could kill two birds with one stone. Switching the water from tub to shower, Mar started peeling the now nearly solid shirt over her head. When Dark realized what it was she was doing, that was when he started to flip out.

Ignoring what seemed to be a kitty panic attack, Mar picked her bath buddy up and hopped into the shower. The moment the water, nice and hot but not terribly so, hit them Mar suddenly found herself holding something that was definitely not small and furry. It took a moment for her brain to catch up with the situation, and when it did it spluttered and died. Mar did the only thing she could do. She calmly let go of the large human male she'd previously been holding, exited the shower, grabbed a towel, and slammed out of that bathroom so fast the wall dented where the door hit it.


	8. Mortification Part Two

Chapter 8: Mortification Part Two

When she slammed into her room it was already occupied. Silent and Big Blue had taken up their usual spots on her bed, and while this normally didn't faze her, today the sight of them caused her to freeze in place. Mar's mind had started whirring in an attempt to reboot, and when what she was looking at finally did click it took all her will power not to scream like a little girl. Silent equals Itachi. Big Blue was definitely Kisame. Itachi and Kisame had seen her change. Sure, they'd been very gentlemanly by looking away and all, but that wasn't the only time she'd done something like that.

Ever since she'd started living on her own, Mar had gotten into the habit of walking around the house as close to naked as she dared. Especially on the epically hot days, where it felt like your flesh was going to be reduced to so much goo. A few measly animals weren't going to make her change that habit, so on any number of occasions... Gorgeous. Mar had been calling Hidan 'Gorgeous'. To his face. A nearly audible snap was heard as Mar tossed the two not-cats out of her room and huddled in the closet. Distantly she heard a very masculine voice speaking in low tones.

Pressing her palms against her ears, Mar attempted to drown out the world by humming. Tucking her chin into her chest, her lack of clothing made itself very apparent. Not wanting to confront a bunch of not-cats while nude, Mar reached up and pulled a handful of clothing down onto her head. A Deathnote shirt landed on her head, followed by a pair of cargo shorts that always tended to remind her of Sasuke's. Pre-Chuunin Exams, of course. It would do. Being fully clothed, more or less, calmed her down enough that she felt capable of venturing out of the closet. Still on the floor Mar peeked out through the crack in the door. There were roughly three or four pairs of oh-so-very human feet waiting for her out there.

At least they'd waited for her to calm down on her own. That little spark of affection that Mar had developed for her kitties flared up, and she winced before squashing it back down. These were not her adorable little furry buddies. Mar heaved the largest sigh of her life before opening the door fully and walking out. The designated peace committee, if that was what they were anyhow, was all of her favorite kitties. Scapego-Tobi was there along with Hidan and Deidara. Sasori was over by the exit, presumably to prevent her from running in a panic again. They were all dripping, and they were all in a towel. They also happened to be dripping all over her floor, and Mar's floor always had something on it. In this case, it had the Deathnote volume she'd been re-reading last night.

With what could only be described as a war cry, Mar leapt the remaining distance and scooped up the book. Cradling it to her chest she gave all the assembled ninja one of her looks, before shaking a finger at them. "You should know better. I've only been telling you to watch out for momma's precious..." Realizing what was coming out of her mouth, Mar promptly snapped it shut. Deidara and Hidan exchanged a look before starting to laugh at her. "Nice to know you aren't as, how did Kakuzu put it? Shaken up as we'd originally feared." Sasori said, head tilting in that smile that was just so... No, bad thoughts.

At this point Mar had face palmed with enough force to make an audible slapping sound. Her house was full of attractive men, and one beautiful lady. But mostly attractive men. This was going to be hell. Running her hands through her hair a few times, resisting the urge to rub her scalp at high speeds, Mar soon got herself back under control. Until she looked up, saw they were still in towels and had to go through the process all over again.

"First order of business, clothes. No arguments." Mar then walked over the door, stared at Sasori until he moved slightly to the side, and groaned as she was forced to squeeze past him. Managing to avoid as much contact as humanly possible, Mar went into the living room where the rest of her housemates had gathered. Pein looked over as she entered, face clear of any thoughts he might have. She expected nothing less.

Mar looked to the side, fidgeted a bit, then turned back to Pein with a slightly sullen look on her face. "While I am fully aware that I was not technically lied to, it still feels as though I were." Fidgeting even more, Mar glanced back to the side. "I would also appreciate it if we just forgot the last month or so." Snickering started up behind her and Mar whirled on the spot to glare at Deidara and Hidan. "Nothing from the peanut gallery, thank you."

"Peanut? I though his nickname was Gorgeous, hm." Deidara said innocently. Mar felt her face grow uncomfortably warm. "You are dead to me." Tobi attached himself to her, rubbing his face-er-mask against hers. "Mar-chan! Look what I found!" Mar stared at the mask. "Where in the nine hells did you find a mask?" She blinked. "And why didn't it include clothing?!" Oh, yes. This was going to be a long night.


	9. Acceptance

Chapter 9: Acceptance

"I can't do it. I can't, I just cannot." Mar exclaimed, prying Tobi off her neck and pushing him back. "Can't what?" Pein asked. "Can't have a serious discussion when I'm unable to look directly at you." A finger was waved in everyone's general direction. "You need clothes. Of which I have none." Mar collapsed into her usual spot, frowning as she tried to figure out where the money for this particular shopping trip was supposed to be coming from. The reconstruction was already going to set her back... Wait... "God fucking damn it to hell." Mar said, folding over to rest her head in her lap. "Mar-chan! What's wrong?" Tobi exclaimed, moving towards her as though to hug her again. "The contractor! For the kitchen! How am I supposed to convince him my cat did it when there is no cat?!"

Mar sat up abruptly, and ran her fingers through her hair a few more times. "And if he doesn't buy it, then the insurance sure as shit won't..." Stopping in mid sentence, Mar got this look of dawning understanding on her face. "The insurance company... I feel so very stupid." Mar checked the time, discovered that the local branch should still be open, and raced into the bathroom to grab her phone off the sink. "Yes, hello, I'd like to report a fire in my apartment a few days ago..."

When she was off the phone, Mar went back into the living room with a large Cheshire grin on her face. "Guess who's getting her kitchen repaired for free~" she sang, grin widening even further. A cackle soon followed, as she twirled on the spot. "So! All that overtime will not be put to waste! You, yes all of you, will be getting some clothes. Before I have a heart attack." Mar jabbed a finger in their direction. "However, I can't take any of you with me. Except maybe Konan? I might have something that would fit you." Mar gave Konan an appraising look, trying to size her up.

"Okay, everyone else needs to make a list of who's what size, and what they will and absolutely, under threat of death, will not wear. I kid you not." Mar gave her boys a stern look before gathering up the only girl in the group and heading back to her room. "I liked her better when she was fucking scared for her fucking life." Hidan muttered as they left. "I'm sure you did. That's why you went with us to make peace." Mar tuned them out as she flung open her closet. "Take a look and if you see anything you like, that you think will fit, help yourself." Konan nodded, "Thank you for continuing to assist us."

"Of course! Just because you aren't as small and furry as you were before doesn't mean I could just suddenly stop loving you all. Sadly." Mar sighed dramatically as she left to give Konan some privacy. Reentering the room, she saw that the guys had indeed made her the list she requested. "Have I told you lately that I love you to pieces?"

"It was mentioned, hm."

"Oh, well, okay then." Mar shifted in place, studying the list. "Why am I not surprised that shirts made it onto Hidan's 'I'd rather die' list?" Looking up at him she gave him the saddest puppy face she could manage. "At least a couple, for me? Please?" 'To keep me from having to beat hordes of horny chicks off with a blunt object.' Mar thought, noticing the well-toned chest. 'Why me, god?'

Hidan shifted uncomfortably on the recliner he'd claimed. "No." He winced when the sadness was kicked up a notch. "I said no, Jashin-fucking-damn it." Hidan's voice rose with each word. Mar slouched in defeat. "I need to get you at least one shirt for, y'know, keeping my perverted family off my back purposes."

"How fucking bad could your family be?" Hidan snapped, looking to the left of her. It would seem that her epic sad puppy face was more powerful than she thought. "Come from a large family?" Mar suddenly asked, dropping the puppy eyes for he moment. "Why?" Hidan asked, instantly suspicious. "I do. You've met my brother and two of my sisters yes? Well there are six of us total. We made the mistake of asking our parents why they had so many kids." Mar's face went blank, with a slightly haunted look to her eyes. "Well? What the fuck did they say?" Hidan snapped.

"We didn't like the feel of condoms." Mar said, lip twitching as she saw several jaws gape open a bit. "Yes, this came from my mommy and daddy. My family has no shame." You could see a barely discernible twitch at the corner of Hidan's eye. "Fine! Just one fucking shirt, and I'm only gonna fucking wear it when your family fucking shows up." Mar hopping over to him and grabbed his hand, giving it a firm shake. "Deal. Pleasure doing business with you."

Konan reappeared in the room, dressed in one of Mar's slightly oversized plain black tees and a pair of jeans. "Perfect! Is the fit okay? All nice and comfy?" Mar asked as she hunted for her shoes. There were plenty of flip flops lying around from various sisters that always tended to lose clothing while drunk. Mar's house was the designated party house, though she despised social events. Go figure. "Yes, they fit well enough." Konan replied, looking through the flip flops for something that would fit her. "Excellent! To my place of employment!" Employee discount equals a happy Mar.

A short trip later, and Konan was standing outside a large warehouse type building. "This is where you work, Mar-san?" She asked, watching a young boy throw a tantrum as he was leaving with his mother. "Unfortunately, yes. Welcome to my own personal hell." Walking through the automated doors, which Konan gave a rather suspicious look, Mar glanced around before heading deeper into the men's department than she'd previously dared to go. People tended to ask her questions for which she had no answers. Flipping open the list, which had been folded in half, Mar did a quick tally. "Okay, we'll go through by how many of each size we need rather than going one person at a time." Mar announced.

After she and Konan had collected all of the necessary items, Mar glanced at the size of the pile and nearly burst into tears. 'Good bye money, I'll miss you honey.' She flinched at the rhyme. Mar found rhyming highly irritating. Maneuvering the cart into line behind a pair of elderly ladies, they waited for a good thirty minutes before they made it to the front. When salvation was finally so close, the ladies in front of them started digging through a change purse. "No, no, don't do this to me..." Mar groaned lowly, banging her head on the cart's handle.

"Mar! I can help you down here Hun." The voice of an angel penetrated her haze of self-pity. "Adriana! Oh thank god." With the ease of long practice, Mar swung her cart around all the obstacles as she made her way to the recently opened register. "You just saved my life, like, seriously. I was about to die." Mar said, face dead serious. "Dude, are you buying clothes for an army?" Adriana asked, patting the large pile that had appeared before her. "Something like that?" Mar answered, twitching a bit.

Thank everything holy for holidays. There was an extra discount for one of those minor holidays you rarely ever remember exist, so the total was even lower than she'd anticipated. Mar had made out like a bandit, a bandit I say, and the smile had yet to leave her face. It was the first thing Deidara noticed when they made it back to the apartment. "What are grinning about, hm?" Pouncing at him, bags dropping to the ground all around her, Mar trapped him in a hug of monstrous proportions.

"You rock. All of you, with your perfect timing, and just all around amazing-ness." Okay, so, Mar obviously likes it when she saves money. "Thanks? Hm?" Deidara placed a hand on each shoulder and tried to push her off. At this moment Itachi and Kisame came into the room, and Mar spun on her heel to attach herself to Kisame. He was closer, and even at the peak of dish excitement she's still a lazy, lazy thing. "Kisame, I love you. You are awesome." He grinned, putting those cool pointy teeth of his on display, and chuckled before patting her on the head. "Thanks, kid." Mar blinked, "I haven't been called that in years. If ever."

Releasing her hold, Mar picked the bags back up and skipped into the living room where the rest of her boys were waiting. "What got into her? Hm?" Deidara asked Konan, staring off after their hostess. "Apparently Kakuzu isn't the only one here who's rather attached to money." Konan replied, bringing in the last of the bags. Mar jumped over Tobi's legs in her quest for her iHome, and started up her playlist. Disapproving looks be damned. Maroon 5 came on and Mar started singing along. Upbeat songs were always her favorites.

"We got quite the haul, gentlemen, so please go through these bags and pull out the items that strike your fancy." Mar said, beaming around the room. "I, however, am dead tired. Good night my litt- um... Yeah, night."

"Wait." Pein ordered. "What are the sleeping arrangements going to be now that we are once again human?" Mar froze. "Fuck my life."


	10. Fort

Chapter 10: Fort

Now, as it has been mentioned, the apartment was small. One bedroom small. There were now eleven people living in it. Now, Mar was never all that great at math but even she could tell that those numbers simply do not add up. "Well, Pein can have my bed." Mar offered, only a bit reluctantly. It had taken forever to get it just the way she liked it. "What about the rest of us?" Kisame asked, noting the single couch. That Mar had been eying a bit possessively. "Gimme a minute, haven't gotten that far yet." Okay, one bed and one couch. Why did reality refuse to bend to her will? "We could do what my siblings and I used to do back in the day..." Mar started a bit dubiously.

"And what would that be?" Itachi prompted. Mar started at the sound of his voice, then proceeded to stare at him. "Whoa, he does speak. Sorry, anyways, we all had our own room in separate areas of the house. So occasionally we would all gather in the largest room, pile the blankets and pillows on the floor and make ourselves a nest." Ah, those glorious days when they'd turn an entire room into one giant fort. They could get pretty creative with yarn and paper clips. Actually, now that she thought of it...

Nodding decisively, Mar went into the back of her closet and grabbed all the blankets she was storing back there. Rooting through her desk drawers, Mar grabbed all the thumb tacks she could find and headed back into the living room. Dumping her building supplies on the coffee table, Mar reached under the couch and pulled out a basket. There, various balls of yarn in a multitude of colors were heaped in a pile. "Now we're in business."

Grabbing one of the thinner blankets Mar opened it up and grabbed the center. Twisting it a bit she then tied some string to it and placed it on the coffee table before heading into the kitchen for a chair. Placing it next the the coffee table, Mar climbed on top of it and looped the yarn attached to the blanket through a hook on the ceiling. The previous tenants had been big plant fans, and they had hung potted plants from every available surface.

Yanking on the yarn, Mar hoisted the blanket like a sail and tied it off when it was high enough. Moving the coffee table to the edge of the room, she then grabbed one of the corners of the now hanging blanket and stretched it to the wall. Liberal use of thumb tacks soon had the blanket transformed into a canopy, and Mar grinned at her handiwork. Making another trip into the kitchen, she grabbed the rest of the chairs and started spreading them around the room. "What the fuck are you doing?" Hidan asked, looking from the blanket to the chairs in confusion. Mar just grinned at him before draping more blankets over the chairs and studying the result before stringing them up to the ceiling as well. By the time she was done, the end result was a blanket palace, with more than enough space inside for every one to sleep. With dividers to keep some of the more argumentative boys separated. Not to mention the ladies.

Taking the remaining blankets, which were also the thickest, Mar made a series of nests by wrapping bunches of pillows in a couple blankets. "There. We can go indoor camping, because I want to. And it's my place, and my blankets, so it's my rules." Ignoring the various disbelieving looks she was getting, Mar crawled into her 'room' in the palace and snuggled into her little nest. Of course she had saved the fuzziest blankets for herself.

Some time during the night, all the dividers were torn down and Mar was soon surrounded by the others. It was routine, after all.

Humming in contentment, Mar snuggled farther into the warmth in a blatant 'screw you' to the very notion of waking up. It was only when the warmth snuggled back into her that Mar's eyes snapped open and roved the room to assess the situation. The weight she'd felt on her legs? Not the heavy blankets as she had thought, oh no, some how Sasori and Itachi had come up on either side of her and were lying mostly on top of them. The warmth she'd been hugging in her sleep? Yeah, Tobi had worked his way underneath her.

Mar had no idea how he managed that. Damn ninja.

The reason her back felt pleasantly warm was because Deidara had decided that he wasn't going to be screwed out of his turn simply because he was no longer a cat. Hidan was on her left, thankfully not on top of her but still close enough to share body heat. Kakuzu was on her right, again close enough to share body heat without climbing on top of her. Mar was fairly sure this was because Deidara had taken up more than all the space available on her small frame. Curling up was the only thing that saved Sasori and Itachi from getting kicked in the head. Kisame was no where to be found, actually, and Mar breathed a sigh of relief. At least someone in this group still had sense. I mean, cuddling? Really?

Determining that there was absolutely no way for her to extract herself from this rather compromising position, being literally sandwiched between two of the guys, Mar grunted before trying anyway. She was nothing if not stubborn, after all. A good solid minute of wiggling produced no results, other than Tobi's vice grip tightening reflexively, and Mar blew a stray strand of hair out of her face before giving up. A low chuckle from the palace entrance had Mar turning her head as far as she could to see who had just witnessed her second most embarrassing moment of the last two days. Kisame had crouched down to peer inside. "I see you just noticed the interesting situation you've gotten yourself into." Mar was impressed with how low Kisame could talk while still making himself heard. It was a skill she would have to harass him to teach her.

"Kisame! I require your assistance!"

"No, I think you can wait until your captors wake up." Kisame replied before giving her another toothy grin and disappearing from view. "But... What am I supposed to do until then? That traitor!" In the end she decided that she might as well go back to sleep.


	11. Beginning Discussion

Chapter 11: Beginning Discussion

When Mar woke the second time she found herself alone. Sighing in relief, even though the giant puppy pile had been comfortable, Mar stretched herself out and rolled to her feet. "About time you woke up, lazy ass." Mar grimaced, she should have known that a peaceful morning was a bit much to hope for. "I would have been up already, if some ones weren't closet cuddlers." Mar muttered, giving Hidan a dark look. "Where is everyone? Why is it so... quiet?" Instantly suspicious Mar emerged from the palace, which was mostly destroyed from everyone moving in their sleep, and was surprised to see waffles on the coffee table against the wall.

"Where the hell did the waffles come from?" Mar asked, moving over to inspect the offering. "Your mother stopped by and left them there." Itachi said, emerging from her room. Mar spun on her heel. "Did she see any of you?" She demanded, preparing to go into panic mode. "Fuck no, we're ninja remember?" The tension in her shoulders eased and Mar let out a sigh of relief. "How could I forget? I mean, seriously."

Mar idly glanced around before giving the food her full attention. "So all I need is a..." Itachi handed her a plate. "Right... And some..." Hidan produced the syrup. "Okay... Not that I don't appreciate it, but all the... pleasant ness? Yeah that, it's really starting to creep me out." Hidan and Itachi shared a look before Itachi cleared his throat. "Pein was intending to discuss things with you when we finally regained our original forms, but it was postponed at your insistence."

"Did you really expect me to be able to focus with a bunch of attractive naked men in the room?" Mar asked flatly, saturating her waffles in syrup. Waving a sticky hand idly in distaste, Mar went to the kitchen for a fork. "Attractive? Hm?" A new voice joined the conversation. "Yes, Brat. In case you've failed to notice all you freeloaders are actually quite easy on the eyes." Mar groused, sticking a forkful of fluffy breakfast food in her face. She then pointed the fork at him. "Just stating a fact, no getting any ideas." Deidara snorted. "Like I'd be interested in a midget like you, hm."

Her eye twitched. She may have been the smallest kid on the playground, but Mar was definitely not a midget. "Shut it, he-she." Planting a sticky kiss on his cheek, Mar made her escape before Deidara could fully register what she'd said. Deciding that the most likely place to find the others was her room, Mar peeked around the door frame. "I heard there were some things you wanted to discuss?" Pein turned in her direction, face blank. "Yes. It would seem that you have some concerns, and I am willing to consider whether to answer your questions."

For once, Mar was regarding them with a serious face. "Okay. So I should be starting with the relevant questions then." Gazing around the room, Mar nodded as she settled on the one question giving her the most trouble. "Why? Not why cats, that really doesn't matter at the moment. Why me, well that was established when I fished you out of the lake." There were nods around the room at the conclusions she had come to. "So, well, why are you all being so... How should I put this?"

"Affectionate?" Konan suggested softly. "Well, that wasn't exactly the word I was looking for, but it'll do for now." Tobi flung himself at Mar, arms circling her neck as he nuzzled into her shoulder. Yes, Mar had seen what's under the mask and was firmly of the opinion that Tobi was hot. The snuggling was making her mildly uncomfortable. "It's 'cause you took extra good care of us, Mar-chan." Placing a hand on each shoulder, reaching up to do so, Mar tried to push him off. "I didn't do anything that I wouldn't do for any cat."

"You must understand that the first family to find us tried to drown us. We didn't want to risk this happening again, so we took steps to ingratiate ourselves to our new host." Pein explained. Mar nodded slowly, "Yes, I remember wondering about that. I thought you were being too friendly for animals that had just been betrayed so thoroughly." Her eye twitched. "And that those... people... we're lucky I had no way of tracking them down." Tobi squealed in a rather girly way. "Would you really have beat them up, Mar-chan?"

"'Beat up' is too mild a description, but yes." Mar once again found Tobi snuggling into her shoulder. If this was going to happen often she was most definitely going to have a stroke.


	12. Admittance

Chapter 12: Admittance

Giving up that particular fight, Mar let Tobi hang off her as she continued her conversation with Pein and Konan. "That is the reason we originally started acting affectionate toward you." Pein continued, sitting on the edge of her bed. "Then gradually it started to change. I cannot speak for everyone, but I was already feeling grateful to you for having saved our lives. Not many people would go out of their way to involve themselves in a situation that will in no way affect them."

Mar nodded with a grimace on her face. "I'm aware. If it had been a person drowning, I'm mildly ashamed to admit that I probably wouldn't have cared." Sasori, who was guarding the door again, raised an eyebrow. "As I was already grateful to you, it became easier to let down my guard around you. I now find myself having grown fond of you, which is a thing I am no longer accustomed to."

Mar's face was blank, as she was perfectly aware of the circumstances surrounding Pein's inability to... form bonds. Feeling awkward with her arms hanging down at her sides, with a guy practically pressed against her front, she looped an arm loosely around Tobi's waist. If he objects he can get the hell off.

"Oh, oh, I have a question for Mar-chan!" Tobi said bouncing from sheer enthusiasm. "What's the question, Tobi-dear?" Mar asked, nearly getting lifted clear off her feet. "When the man came into your house, and you were almost outside but you stopped? Why did you stop?" Mar blinked. "Oh, that? I was debating whether I could live with myself if I left my cute little babies with a potentially dangerous home invader." Tobi tilted his head to the side, which Mar found simply adorable and ended up having to resist the urge to squeal. "But we could handle that guy no problem Mar-chan." A strange high pitched, slightly strangled sound emerged from her throat. "I know that now, but I didn't know I was harboring highly dangerous ninja in furry form at that point.

"I still need to properly thank you all for saving me." Mar looked around for Kisame but couldn't find him. "Kisame is out scouting the neighborhood." Itachi explained when he saw her puzzled look. Mar gave him another long look. "When did you get here? While I'm noticing things, when did Sasori get here?" Mar's family didn't call her scarecrow for nothing. "I came in shortly after Pein finished speaking." Itachi said. "And I followed you in. You just didn't notice me. If I were an enemy, you would be dead right now." Sasori stated, giving her that smile she loved. Bad thoughts! Mar mentally smacked herself.

"Did I just hear cute little babies?" Kisame asked, looking to Mar and giving her a pointy grin. "Of course! Who's momma's big blue baby?" Mar cooed, giving him a lazy grin of her own. "Well, judging from all the times you've spun around while holding me like a baby..." Kisame trailed off, grin turning predatory.

"I thought I asked you to forget the last month? Or so?" Mar mumbled, hiding her face in Tobi's chest. Deidara's head appeared from around Sasori. "I hate to interrupt, but there's someone coming up the front stairs, hm."

"Did you see who it is?" Mar asked, trying to wiggle free. "I didn't recognize him, hm." Deidara replied, bashing Tobi over the head. With a yelp of pain, Tobi released Mar to clutch at his poor abused head. "Okay then." With that, Mar ducked under Sasori's arm and got to the front door just as the doorbell rang. "Who is it?" Mar sang, peeking through the peephole. "Someone called about a kitchen?" Was the slightly muffled reply. "Yay! Let's get this ball rolling."

The contractor, Seth his name was, stared at the long charred stripe going up the back wall. "So, a cat did this?" Mar nodded, "Yeah, and as you can imagine the cat is no longer with me." Seth raised an eyebrow. "I can certainly understand not wanting to keep such a destructive animal." After a good few minutes of thoroughly inspecting the extent of the damage, Seth sighed and gathered up the tools he had used. "Well, you got lucky. It really isn't as bad as it could have been." A tiny squeak was heard. "But it's still going to take quite a bit to get this kitchen up and running." Seth warned. Hooking one of his thumbs through a belt loop, Seth ran his other hand through his hair. Another tiny, slightly strangled sound was heard. Barely. "I figured nothing would go easy for me." Mar said casually, flopping a hand back and forth.

Business taken care of, Mar was herding Seth to the door. "So a crew will be out either tomorrow or Friday, so please either be here or have someone waiting. Please." Seth finished, waving as he walked back down the front stairs. "I have work tomorrow morning." Mar mused. "Oh, oh! I can wait for the people Mar-chan!" Tobi offered, waving a hand in the air wildly. It smacked Deidara in the face, and an enraged Deidara promptly set off after the fleeing boy. "Maybe you all should make yourselves scarce, and I'll ask my brother or something." Mar considered, watching Deidara strangle Tobi. Somehow she didn't think things would end well.


	13. Rumor Mill

Chapter 13: Rumor Mill

Needless to say, the next morning dawned bright and beautiful. Early too, and when Mar went to roll out of the blankets she'd once again piled on the floor she, once again, found herself thoroughly trapped. Having anticipated this, because nothing seemed to go right for her since her guests arrived, Mar was prepared. Snaking a hand under the pillow, after nearly dislocating her shoulder, Mar pulled a feather out of the casing. Lightly running the feather down Hidan's face and neck, since he insisted that it was his turn Jashin-damn it, Mar waited until he started trying to squirm away. When there was enough leeway, she tucked and rolled her way out of the mess of limbs and went off to the bathroom to get ready.

Pein emerged from her room as she was exiting the bathroom. "I know I can trust you to keep the hoodlums under control, since you're just that bad ass, but I feel the need to ask anyway." Mar said, furiously rubbing the towel against her head. Pein nodded to her, clearly it was too early for anyone to be in a talkative mood, and Mar nodded back before grinning. "Thanks, love."

Convinced that she wouldn't be coming home to a war zone, Mar set off for her place of employment. Long ago it was noted that in retail shoppers are like the ocean. They come in waves. During one of the low points of the series of tsunamis, Mar was minding her own business while attempting to match up a batch of single earrings. Sometimes she thinks that people only go to stores to create havoc for the people who're stuck picking up their mess. Some days Mar just wanted to be able to punch someone in the face. Just once, per day, and she would be happy.

As she was switching projects, Mar heard a shriek come from the other end of the check out area. "What the hell?" Mar asked, walking over. "There is a dragonfly over there. A very big dragonfly." Usually there are two people opening in the morning. Today Mar was with Danisha, so it was a toss up how her day was going to go. "Ignore the dragonfly, and the dragonfly will ignore you." A low fluttering sound was heard, and Danisha dashed away from the window. Mar rolled her eyes at her fellow female and walked over to get a good look at this flying devil. 'Oh, snap that is a ginormous dragonfly.' Originally she had intended to grab it and toss it outside. She did it with moths and spiders all the time. This she was not going to touch.

"I can get rid of it, Mar-chan," a voice said behind her. Eyes widening in horror, Mar spun on her heel and stared at who had spoken. "Tobi?" She asked, not sure this was, in fact, her most adorable housemate. "Yup! Did you want me to grab the dragonfly for you?" A moment of staring finally let it click in her head. He had used a transformation. This was how Obito would have looked if the rocks hadn't gotten half his face. "Uh, yes Tobi-dear. That would be great." Danisha grabbed her arm and yanked her over to the other side of the check out so fast the world spun for a moment. "Who is that?" She demanded, patting her hair. "A friend of mine. He's staying with me temporarily." Danisha gave her a hard stare. "Just a friend?"

"Well..." Mar started, only to be interrupted. "Mar-chan! You should get more blankets, 'cause there aren't enough for everyone."

"Tobi, not everyone uses a blanket during the hottest summer on record." Mar pointed out. "Yeah, but everyone who sleeps with you does and you hot them all." Tobi complained, leaning against the counter. Mar slammed her head against the counter. What a fabulous way to start her day.


	14. Damage Control

Chapter 14: Damage Control

"Mar-chan! Are you okay?" Tobi asked hovering over her. After slamming her head down, harder than she'd planned, Mar had just remained face down on the counter. "Tobi-dear, did you come here by yourself?" She asked. "No," Tobi answered, drawing the word out. "I came with senpai of course!" Mar had to bite the inside of her cheek to refrain from saying... anything inappropriate for work. "Where is Deidara?" Just what she needed, Deidara running around a store unsupervised. Though she supposed that it could be worse. Hidan could be running around the store unsupervised. Great good gods that would be horrible.

"Senpai told me to get the hell away from him before he decided to disregard orders. I think Deidara-senpai wanted to blow me up." Tobi was now sitting on the counter next to her head, blissfully unaware that Danisha was doing her damned best to gain his attention. The girl takes boy crazy to whole new, insanely extreme, levels. "And Deidara didn't mention where he'd be?" Mar asked, turning her head so as to look at him rather than the countertop.

"He was heading to the other store over there, with the plants out front." Tobi explained, gesturing out the large storefront windows towards the grocery store. Oh, even better, Deidara in a store by himself... Wait... That little brat just dumped Tobi on her! That little traitor! Not that Mar had an actual problem with Tobi. It's been established that Tobi was one of her favorite kitties, but he was also one of her favorite Akatsuki. There was just something so awesome about a villain that didn't take himself too seriously.

But trying to do damage control with a guy you're sure is doing his damnedest to sabotage your efforts? Not cool, man.

"So, just friends,huh?" Danisha asked, using that tone that drove most of the people who work with her crazy. This girl was one of the ones who just ooze the most irritating 'holier than thou' attitudes. "Yes, Danisha, just friends." Mar answered dryly, pushing herself upright. "Tobi-love, I have to get back to work. Did you want to hang around the store and go home with me? We could have lunch together later, as well." Tobi tilted his head to the side, a habit he probably developed due to his usual mask's lack of facial expressions, as he thought it over. "What about senpai?"

"Well, if he shows up then I guess he could join us." Mar said reluctantly. Just because she didn't really hold grudges, doesn't mean that she wouldn't be vindictive for as long as her anger lasted. "Okay!" Tobi agreed, hopping off the counter and attaching himself to her in a hug. Releasing his hold on Mar, Tobi planted a kiss on her cheek before zooming off. Presumably to waste time until lunch.

'Damn you Obito, you little shit, you did that on purpose!' Mar flinched before turning back to Danisha, already dreading the upcoming conversation. "So, not only are you sleeping together with other people no less, but you call him love and he gives you kisses good bye. Just friends, my ass."

"For the record, it's possible to give good bye kisses to people you aren't romantically attached to." Mar objected weakly. It was going to be a long morning.

As soon as the afternoon crew made an appearance, Mar took off for lunch. Skipping breakfast, as well as all the excitement that morning, had made her very hungry. Starting a circuit around the edge of the store, Mar searched for Tobi. There was no sign of the menace, however, and soon Mar grew frustrated. "Tobi! Where are you?!" A large object slammed into her back, wrapping her neck in a hug. "Mar-chan! Is it time for lunch now?" Great, not only were all the cashiers being made aware of her new 'boyfriend', but now all the floor associates were going to be talking.

Could her life be any better?

"Yes, Tobi, it is indeed time for lunch. Let's go." And she herded him out of the store so fast if he wasn't a ninja he'd have whiplash. Deciding that Subway(R) sounded delicious right about now, Mar led Tobi down to the shop. As they passed the grocery store, which is where Deidara ran to escape, Mar saw a familiar head of brilliantly blonde hair. "Deidara! You hungry?" Giving Tobi a long, long look Deidara finally nodded and followed along behind them. Deidara couldn't help but notice when Tobi grabbed Mar's hand. Not that he was dumb enough to point it out. Yet.

Lunch ended oh so soon, and Mar found herself surrounded by women. A position she never wants to find herself in ever again. "So, what was his name?" Yesenia asked, a look of profound innocence on her face. Mar didn't know who she thought she was fooling. "His name is Tobi." Mar muttered, doing her best to ignore all the bodies around her. "And he lives with you?"

"Temporarily."

"Who were the other people he mentioned?" Danisha demanded. Most likely hoping they were as good looking. Not as though Mar would ever let her get her hooks in any of them. "Just some other friends of ours."

"Do you really sleep with all of them?" Mar's head snapped up pretty fast. "I... no comment." The day could not end fast enough.


	15. Home Stretch

Chapter 15: Home Stretch

"Is it time to leave yet?" Mar whined, bouncing from foot to foot. Everyone up front had been badgering her for the story of Tobi. If one more person gives her that "oh-la-la" look, she was sure she would scream. "It's only been five minutes since the last time you asked." Yesenia told her, not looking up from the clipboard. It was the opening managers job to assign break times in the morning. Most of the time they leave it for the customer service people to handle, which they didn't that day. Because Mar was having way too hard a time to think about something so unimportant. "But..." Mar complained, trying to resist looking over her shoulder. She could just feel Danisha's eyes boring a hole in her back. "Mar," a very male voice said. "How much longer until we can leave? Hm?"

Deidara had finally decided to join them. Mar was now thoroughly convinced that Deidara was a twerp with incredibly bad timing. "And who is this?" God deliver her from nosy coworkers. "Just a fri-"

"Just a friend, uh-huh, we know." Danisha interrupted, batting her eyes at her latest target. Mar bounced on her toes a few more times. "Now is it time to go?" She whined, shooting Deidara a very dark look. "But he just got here."

"Exactly."

"You're no fun." Danisha pouted, flouncing back to her end. "Oh my god, that girl." Yesenia sighed, rubbing her temple. Mar wasn't exaggerating about the insane boy craziness, just stating a very well known fact. Deidara smirked at Mar's look. "And how has your day been? Hm?" Mar humphed before turning away. "Senpai!" A white and blue streak tackled Deidara to the ground. 'Karma, I take it back. You are not a bitch'. "Tobi! Get off! Hm!" Tobi looked up from his position pinning Deidara down. "Mar-chan! Can we go now?" He ducked under Deidara's flying fist. Mar turned to Yesenia with large hopeful eyes. "Yes, yes, you can go now." Running upstairs, clocking out and running back downstairs in record time, Mar grabbed both her boys by the arm and hauled them outside.

"Mar-chan, slow down!" Tobi complained, trying to tug his arm free. "We both know that this pace probably feels like slow motion to you. Now shush so I can smuggle you across the parking lot." It was too late for the morning and afternoon shifts, but the night shift has yet to show up so she still had a shot. Small, yes, but there and Mar was going to run with it. And them. Ducking around the grocery store's cart collector dude, Mar unlocked her car and practically shoved Deidara into the front passenger seat. Tobi was placed in the back seat behind Deidara, and they were off.

Itachi looked up from the novel he had been reading. "It would seem that they are home." Before Kisame could question how Itachi knew, he heard the shrill sounds coming from the front landing. "Tobi you brat! You did that on purpose!" Itachi and Kisame exchanged a look as the front door opened. Deidara came through first, looking over his shoulder as he made a beeline for safety. Soon, Tobi and Mar came into view just in time for everyone to watch Tobi get smacked upside the head.

Mar knew better. Honest, she did. However, that day had been the worst day since their arrival and she just momentarily forgot. Thankfully Tobi chose to continue playing dumb, because painful was not the way she wanted to die. Or young, for that matter. "What did Tobi do this time?" Kisame asked, continuing to flip through the channels. Mar's face exploded in a fiery hue before she made this tiny strangled sound and collapsed on the couch between Itachi and Kisame.

Hidan walked into the living room with a towel on his head. "Back already, bitch?" Mar slowly looked up. "That was the longest day of my life." It was a monotone to rival that of Itachi. "What the fuck could have been so bad about it?" Hidan asked half heartedly, drying his hair. "Um, well... Tobi made it seem like I host orgies at my house nightly." Hidan stopped what he was doing and looked up at Mar from under the towel. "The fuck? Well, I have no fucking complaints."

"In the immortal words of MC Hammer, 'can't touch this'." Mar said flatly, burying her face in her hands. Kisame grinned as he continued to channel surf. "It's a little late for that, squirt."

"I don't see what the problem is." Sasori said, leaning over the counter from the kitchen. Mar started at his voice, she hadn't noticed him there. "You don't have to deal with these people five days a week! I do!" Mar's voice continued to get higher and shriller with each word. She wasn't yelling, just speaking in what was nearly a squeak. "I shall refrain from sending Tobi and Deidara to watch over you in the future." Pein assured her. Mar snapped her head around to stare at him. Damn ninjas. "That would be appreciated." Mar acknowledged.

The next day, Mar looked up from the clipboard to see Itachi and Sasori staring back at her. "Really?!"


	16. Confrontation

Chapter 16: Confrontation

"You are aware that I don't need supervision to go to work." Mar stated, sorting through sizes. Her favorite thing to do at work, mindlessly go through a giant box of size markers. "We are sure you can," Itachi began, leaning against the wall. He had brought the novel he was reading yesterday. "Pein gave us our orders, however, and now that we are no longer... handicapped... this has been broadened to include the hours you spend at your employer." Mar just continued pulling out orange. First she would grab all of a single color, then sort out the different sizes from there. It was a very efficient system.

Sasori had disappeared, much to Mar's displeasure. The gods only know what that guy could possibly be up to. As long as no one comes up to her complaining about, well, anything bloody and death related Mar could quite honestly care less. "The only great part of my morning so far? Danisha is not here until later."

"Is this, Danisha, the one who made Deidara feel like a 'piece of meat'?" Itachi asked, turning a page. Who knew Itachi would be into Harry Potter? "Yup!" Mar popped the 'p'. "And if she got a look at you, you would be next my attractive friend."

"Friend?"

"I like to think so, yes." Mar confirmed. The orange was finished so she moved on to the pink. "Though I could go with acquaintance, if you prefer."

"Friend is acceptable," Itachi stated. "I believe we surpassed the mere acquaintance stage when we began sharing sleeping space."

"I suppose we did." Mar agreed. All in all, she had to admit that having Itachi shadowing her was a very pleasant experience. He didn't have a tendency to phrase things in questionable ways, was polite, and only initiated conversation when it was clear that Mar would not object. Any more perfect and he'd be a myth. "So, have you been thinking of what you would want for lunch?" Mar asked, glancing at the time. "Where you went with Deidara and Tobi would be sufficient." Itachi replied, turning another page.

Mar nodded as she quickly finished sorting what she had in her hand. Brushing her now empty hands together, Mar let Wanda know she was going for food and walked out with Itachi in tow. Sasori met them outside, and Mar hooked an arm through one of his. "To lunch."

"You realize I do not need to eat."

"I'm not looking for your appetite, I'm looking forward to your company." Mar said lightly, the grip on his arm very firm. Something in her mind clicked, "Wait, I saw you eating as a cat." The look she leveled at him was nearly enough to make him squirm. Nearly, since he's a big bad ninja and she's just a silly little girl. "The... feline... body was flesh and blood, which soon rectified itself upon my return to my original body."

"Your original body wasn't a puppet." Mar pointed out suspiciously, squeezing his arm. There was some give under her fingers. "You lying liar who lies." Mar said, grinning. Sasori looked away, seemingly pouting. It would seem that when they regained their original forms, he actually got his original form. All that time converting himself into wood, wasted. "So, lunch." Mar laughed, pulling them both along.

The next few hours went along smoothly. Mar got stuff done, Itachi nearly finished the first Harry Potter novel, and Sasori... well... he'd vanished again after lunch. Giving his new fully human status, Mar wasn't sure she ever wanted to know what Sasori was off doing by himself. Alas, all good things must come to an end, and the end came when Danisha came in for her shift. Mar could see her coming, walking along casually ready for the night ahead. Then Danisha caught sight of Itachi leaning in his spot against the wall next to customer service.

Stopping cold, Danisha's jaw went slack and she quickly patted her hair back into place. Mar watched out of the corner of her eye, smiling slightly as she watched Danisha waste time and energy. Itachi only cares about a few select things, none of which involve a girlfriend in any way whatsoever. So unless Danisha magically morphs into Sasuke, which would give Mar nightmares, there was no way she'd be getting Itachi's attention. Well, except maybe if she morphed into the next Harry Potter volume. He seemed about done with the one he had.

"Who is that?!" Danisha hissed at her, power walking around the counter. "Hm? Oh, I dunno. He's waiting for someone, I think." Mar said casually, rooting through her box for the light blue sizes. A barely discernible twitch at the corner of Itachi's mouth made it clear he was at least slightly amused. "Bullshit. He's another one of your boy toys, isn't he?!" Mar blinked. When her statement still didn't register, Mar blinked again. It still didn't help. "What?"

"One of those guys you sleep with!" Danisha said, as if it should be obvious. "But I'm not-"

"Tobi already blew up your spot, so don't bother trying o deny it." Danisha said impatiently, waving a hand dismissively. Mar clenched her teeth and vowed to kill Tobi at a later date. "What about Tobi?" Sasori asked, coming up behind Mar. See, this is why Mar never stood with her back to the counter. Getting snuck up on was not her idea of fun. Sasori leaned over the counter and pulled Mar neck into his chest. Craning her neck, Mar stared at him in confusion until she saw that smirk on his face. 'Why... you... brat!' Mar sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, counting to ten. With another sigh, she surrendered the battle. There was no way for Mar to do damage control when the boys were doing their very best to sabotage her efforts.

Danisha nearly had a stroke. "I don't get it." She finally said, assuming standard bitch position. Y'know, hand on the hip, leaning to one side, defiant look on the face? Danisha was standing there giving Mar that look, and Mar knew she wasn't going to like the next thing to come out of her mouth. "You're not even that attractive. How someone like you could get one guy like that is hard to believe, but four? This is total bullshit."

Mar's face went blank. 'If murder wasn't illegal...' Everyone was silent, the rest of the front end associates looking at Danisha as if she'd sprouted another head and started breathing fire. Mar already knew that, so it's not like she was hearing anything new. It still hurt to hear it out loud, though.

Not that she expected anything more from Danisha, though.

"So, maybe they like me for something other than my looks." Mar said flatly. She could pretend she had a harem for the sake of an argument. "Maybe I'm just that good in bed." Coming from a family with no shame comes in handy sometimes. Sasori chuckled behind her, while Itachi continued to look amused. Danisha snorted, obviously not believing Mar's statement possible. Mar felt Sasori move behind her, and soon found his chin on her shoulder. Rubbing their cheeks together, Sasori gave Danisha that smile Mar had a hard time resisting. "She does take extra good care of us..."

It must be known that Itachi is now her all time favorite, of the four that have followed her to work. He doesn't make easily misconstrued statements.

At least Sasori managed to shut Danisha up.


	17. Interlude

Chapter 17: Interlude

Shortly after the show down with Danisha, Mar made her escape. Itachi and Sasori followed along behind her as Mar power walked her way across the parking lot to her car. "I have no idea what got into you Sasori, but I have never seen Danisha speechless before. Though I don't really appreciate you confirming the rumors of my depraved sex life." Sasori waved a hand in dismissal. "There really wasn't a way for you to deny the claims. Tobi made that impossible, as well as Deidara." Mar made a tiny sound in the back of her throat.

"It was bad enough when they thought there were just two of you. Threesome I can handle, harem? Not so much." Mar banged her head against the steering wheel. "I did not confirm the rumor, Mar." Itachi pointed out, tucking his book under his arm. "The fact that you exist, and took the time to wait eight hours for me to get out of work just proved it right there." Itachi held up his hands in surrender. Mar gave him a dry look. "I guess it can't really be helped. I have to change my name and move across the country."

When they arrived back at the apartment Mar slammed her way in and beelined for Konan. "Could you please stalk me tomorrow?" Mar begged her, raising her hands in the standard begging position. "Why the fuck do you want Konan to go? It's my fucking turn!" Hidan complained, tossing popcorn into the air and catching them in his mouth. It would seem the guys left behind had found a movie on t.v. Itachi went past her, presumably to find the next book in the series. "Oh, no. Anyone but you." Mar denied, waving her hands frantically.

"I want to go again, Mar-chan!" Tobi exclaimed from his spot between Deidara and Kisame. Deidara slapped the back of his head. "No! It's bad enough without any of you delinquents making it worse!" Mar denied again, hands waving even faster. She paused. "Though I wouldn't mind Itachi coming again. He's a very considerate stalker, surprisingly."

It was Deidara's turn to make a tiny sound in the back of his throat. They may have been keeping the fighting to a bare minimum, out of respect (and maybe affection) for their hostess, but some hatreds just don't die. "What seems to be the matter, brat?" Sasori drawled as he leaned on the back of the couch behind Deidara's head. "Jealous?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Sasori. Deidara and I have an understanding." Mar denied absently, still giving Konan pleading eyes. "Very well, Mar. I shall accompany you tomorrow. Shall I invite Pein?" Mar blinked, considering her options. They wouldn't accuse her of lesbianism if Konan went alone, right? Now that she thought about it... "Yes, please. Though I do understand if he has more pressing matters. Like you freeloaders going back from whence you came."

"You know you'd miss us if we left, hm." Deidara said lightly, watching something on the screen explode. Mar had no idea what they were watching, but from what she could see it looked epic. "No, no I don't think I will." Mar responded, watching as the bomber was promptly shot. It must have been made post nine eleven, since the terrorist didn't stand a chance. "You wouldn't miss me even a little bit, Mar-chan?" Tobi asked, using her own sad puppy eyes against her. It would seem that Tobi had decided to just continue the transformation, rather than stick with the mask. It made resisting his pleading just that much more difficult.

"Yes, Tobi, I would miss you." Mar allowed, attaching herself to his neck. It would also seem that while Tobi has no problem randomly hugging people, he has a problem with being on the receiving end. Mar would need to remember this. "Hey, Mar," Kisame said from the kitchen. "Why is tomorrow's date circled five times in six different colors?" Mar tilted her head, reminding quite a few people of a certain pain in the ass. "What's tomorrow's date?" Kisame looked back to the calendar. "The nineteenth." He answered. Mar blinked again. "I didn't circle it, it must have been a random sibling."

"But why did they circle it?" Kisame pressed, taking a bite of the cake Mar had baked in celebration of her new kitchen. Yes, it was officially open for business. It went smoothly, as far as Mar was concerned. An incident with the neighborhood yappy dog didn't really count, since as far as Mar knew nobody would miss it. No, not even the owners. Hellhound. "Probably 'cause they think I'm a scarecrow, and I'll forget my own birthday." Mar said absently, rubbing her face against Tobi's to watch him wish he could squirm without seeming out of character. Set yourself up as a touchy feely person, watch as someone uses it to their advantage. Revenge for starting the damned orgy rumor in the first place.

"Your birthday? Hm?" Deidara asked, glancing at her in surprise. "Yes. The day this unfortunate world was stuck with me. It's not that rare, everyone has one." Tobi had started fighting back, letting his hands wander while making it seem like he had no idea what the hell he was doing. Eventually Mar had to surrender. Seems like her family weren't the only ones with no shame, and Mar had no intention of... well... inappropriate things. Girl's got to have some standards.

"Any plans?" Kisame asked with a grin. "The same thing I do every year, Pinky." Mar slipped out of Tobi's grasp and climber over Deidara to finalize her escape. "Pinky?" Kisame asked dryly. "I forgot there wasn't anyone here to understand that reference. My childhood was just invalidated, thanks so much." Sasori ducked as Mar flung herself over the back of the couch, having successfully escaped both Tobi and Deidara.

Mar had a feeling they let her go.

"So what reference were we supposed to understand?" Itachi asked from his new leaning position. Mar squeaked, "Make noise when you move! I'm gonna have a heart attack.

"Oh, I say what was previously mentioned..."

"The same thing you do every year? Hm?"

"Yes, that. And the response should be, 'try to take over the world.' Since no one here is as lame as me, my attempt at humor fails." Mar shrugged as she ducked around Kisame and grabbed the last slice of cake. "Pein has declined to accompany us, I'm afraid. He has also requested that Itachi stay behind as well, as he is required to further our plans for returning home." Konan reported when she entered the living room. Mar suddenly felt like a hunted animal as every other person in the room turned to look at her at precisely the same moment.

Tomorrow was going to be fun...


	18. Deja Vu

Chapter 18: Deja Vu

Mar tried, really she did. Grabbed Konan at the crack of dawn and tried climbing out the kitchen window. Hey, it worked for the burglars, right? Everything was going great, too, until it happened. The owners of the not so dearly departed yappy dog had quickly gotten over their loss. As Mar quickly found out when the much larger, not quite so yappy, Doberman came out from around the house. "Really, life? Really? Must you constantly tell me to go screw myself?" Mar questioned, spinning on her heel and sprinting back to the fire escape. Konan was smiling at her when she reached safety. "Not funny. This never leaves the cave."

Mar really must remember that none of her guests get her references. Staring down at the angry dog, Mar sighed dejectedly before turning back to the window. Hidan was there, smiling wickedly. "So, it's my fucking turn. Right, bitch?" Mar briefly considered jumping, but decided it wasn't worth the effort. "I guess there's no choice. If you do not behave, I will end you." Hidan let Mar back through the window, and she walked over to the door. "Well? Get a shirt on and let's get going." Mar was not looking forward to the day ahead.

Hidan was indeed a force to be reckoned with. Konan hadn't needed to intervene once, he'd somehow managed to watch his language, and Mar was beginning to think the day couldn't get any better. She should have known that the last few months were a precursor for the way her life would be trending. Danisha had come in to work, and Mar had tuned her out during the beginning of her rant. It was no longer interesting, just a repeat of everything she'd already said before. Although watching Hidan lose his cool and verbally attack her was pretty epic.

"Just because you can't fucking get one Jashin-damned boyfriend. Seriously, just shut the fuck up and mind your own fucking business." Mar couldn't help but notice that he never actually denied anything, but the look on Danisha's face was more than worth it. Plus it's what she's been dying to say since this whole mess started. "Hidan, have I mentioned lately that you're my hero?" Mar asked casually as they were leaving that day. The thought must have struck the poor guy dumb, 'cause he didn't respond to anything Mar said for the rest of the drive. It was as they were pulling into the driveway that Mar noticed that it was getting darker. "Must be a storm coming in." She muttered, running up the stairs and bursting into the apartment.

Stealing the t.v from Kakuzu, after apologizing for doing so, Mar flipped the channel to the weather and nearly dropped the remote. "Oh my god, yes." The yes came out as a hiss, pure happiness radiating from Mar in waves. The weather map showed a very large, very angry looking system rolling right over her head. "Thunder! Lightning! Oh, look, hail too!" Cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West, Mar raided the cabinets in the kitchen until she found the flashlights. Her building was on the older side, and it was practically guaranteed that they would lose power. "Well, you seem excited, hm." Deidara observed, leaning on the counter from the living room. "I love thunderstorms. It's like watching fireworks, only better." Mar explained, making sure the batteries were still good.

"Especially when you get the good bolts of lightning." Mar continued, grabbing her Akatsuki hoodie out of her room. Gotta be prepared, especially when you're notorious for running outside in downpours. "I see, hm. So you like explosions then, hm." Deidara said casually. "I am not debating the value of your art with you, Deidara. That's Sasori's job, and I'm sure he'd be heartbroken if I stole it." Mar said flatly, stopping in front of the window to watch the winds whip the tree branches about.

Oh, how Mar loved a good storm. Provided the meteorologist wasn't lying to her, and it was as bad as predicted, Mar was definitely playing in the rain. At the point where it grew so dark the lights had to be turned on, the first peal of thunder rumbled overhead. Mar squealed, clapping her hands together in glee. The storm was still too far out for lightning, but it was only a matter of time.

Then it came, that first glorious bolt, and Mar literally jumped for joy. This also means that she landed, hard, on Itachi's lap but she was too busy working her way back to the windows to really notice. Itachi noticed though. There was a barely noticeable wince when she came down. Immediately following the lightning the clouds opening and gallons of water began pouring down. Mar grabbed the hoodie, swinging it around herself as she raced out the door onto the porch. She could catch pneumonia and die tomorrow, and all she would say is 'no regrets'!

The boys exchanged looks when she ran out the door. "Should someone have stopped her?" Kisame asked, dealing the cards. Some of the guys had decided to play poker and it would seem that Sasori was winning. "Could someone have stopped her?" Sasori asked back, counting his winnings. "She seemed pretty set on getting soaked."

"I know, but if she gets sick we're the ones who'll have to listen to her whine."

"Let her whine, it'll give us the chance to rub in the fact that she brought it on herself." With that, Sasori gathered up his loot and called it a game. It didn't look like the power would last much longer anyway. Just as the door reopened, the lights flickered once before everything electric shut down. Mar stood framed in the doorway, a flash of lightning behind her, and in her arms was a box. "You will never guess what I just found. Never." A small meow was heard. "Don't even fucking tell me." Hidan cursed, giving the box the evil eye.

"I know. It's like the gods have decided that life should suck for me." Mar agreed, staring into the open box. "But I can't leave them out in this. That sky water is freezing." "Then stick 'em under the porch. Dry until they get the fuck out."

"Hidan, how would you have liked it if I'd taken that attitude with you?"

"What the fuck ever. It's your place do whatever the fuck you want." Hidan gave the box another dark look.

"What are we supposed to do now? The t.v is out." Kisame asked. "We can't even see to finish our game."

"After I get these guys settled in my room I'll help you think of something. The power might not be out that long though. It usually isn't."

Pein was in her room, as usual. It would seem that he'd made it into his new office. When he saw the box his eyes narrowed and Pein let out a sigh. "I hope you know what you are doing."

"I didn't get a really good look at them, but even if I did it might not make a difference. It's not like your coloring made who you were obvious." Mar pointed out, reaching into the box. Claws raked down the back of her hand and she hissed. Yeah, this batch wasn't going to be as easy as the last one. The villains were the good kitties, go figure.


	19. Movie Night

Chapter 19: Movie Night

Rubbing her wounded hand against her shirt to ease the sting, Mar shook a finger at her newest guests. "That was uncalled for, little guys. I'm just going to get you out of this soggy box, and get you all warm and dry." Mar was cooing by the end of her sentence, slowly reaching down to the same white cat that had just scratched her. Learn a lesson? Naw. "So let's get you a towel, and maybe a hair dryer, and get you all settled..." Heading out into the hall, aiming for the bathroom, Mar nearly ran Zetsu down. "Sorry, busy, kitties!" She thrust the cat in his face, grinning like an idiot. When the cat's attention was firmly on Zetsu, her face turned deadly serious. 'Don't let on that you know.' Mar mouthed at him. 'Pass it along, please.'

After Zetsu had nodded his understanding and went off to clue in his fellow villains, Mar tucked the cat firmly against her chest and went into the bathroom. When all the cats, which was quite a bit now that she got a good look, were all dry and fluffy Mar snapped her fingers. "Food! I should still have some from my last batch of rescues..." With a familiar 'come hither' motion, Mar raced into the kitchen where she trampled Deidara. "Sorry! Busy! Look more kitties!" Okay, let it be known that Mar did in fact suspect that these kitties weren't what they seemed. However, without proof that her newest additions were actually dangerous ninja Mar was going to treat them as the pets they now were.

"More cats? Hm? You were thinking of replacing us, were you? Hmm?" Mar gasped at the question, hand over her heart. "Don't be ridiculous! You'll always be my Brat." Somehow she didn't think Deidara looked particularly thrilled about that. The few cats that had followed her were eying Deidara warily. Mar pretended not to notice. "So I shall feed my new little darlings, and then we can go ahead with the movie we have planned."

"The power is still out."

"Not for much longer. Trust me, I know." There was a flicker before the lights came back to life. "Let there be light, and there was light. You're welcome." Mar grinned wickedly at Deidara before turning back to her task. Deidara shook his head before heading back into the living room. "It would seem that movie night is back on, hm." Deidara stated, starting to flip through the DVDs. "Have we figured out which one we're watching? Hm?"

"Nothing that will give me nightmares! I can't do my usual in a downpour."

"So, Mar votes horror." Sasori said, smirking a bit as she walked back into the room. "I hate you." She stated, helping Deidara flip through the movies. "Harry Potter? I have them all." Itachi's head poked in from the kitchen. "I have no objections to that." Mar stared at him. "I was just in there! You were not! How the hell?!" There was snickering around the room and Mar stuck her tongue out at the room. "Let's get the nest ready in case I pass out before the movie ends." Kisame moved the furniture against the walls while Mar got the blankets and pillows ready. All the new cats, who shall be known as the second wave, were sitting in the hall watching them put their bed together on the floor.

"It's my fucking turn!"

"No, it's my turn tonight." Sasori stated, giving Hidan a dark look. "How about it's no ones turn and I get to sleep all by my lonesome?" Mar asked hopefully. "Fuck that." Hidan said dismissively. Mar's shoulders drooped. "Damn."

"Harry Potter it is then. Okay, everyone who's joining in come and grab a spot." Mar soon found herself surrounded by ninja. Then the second wave slowly made their way into the room, lining the walls. Mar still can't get over how the Akatsuki of all people were so touchy feely, and these guys were so... Cautious. It made absolutely no sense. Studying their coloring, Mar came to the conclusion that at least one of the teams was Naruto's. There were eight of them, so two teams. After another few minutes of studying the cats and a flash of insight made her pause mid-sentence. "You okay there, kid?" Kisame asked, noticing the alarmed look on her face. "Huh? Oh! Sorry what were you saying again?" Mar had the sneaking suspicion that Team Hawk had landed in her living room.

Life could not get any more complicated.


	20. Family Obligations

Chapter 20: Family Obligations

Mar had fallen asleep. As she had expected, and prepared for, by the time the movie was half way through Mar had passed out. Itachi eased her off his shoulder and onto the pillow pile, as Hidan covered her with a blanket. Sasori promptly took the much sought after spot, which prompted Hidan to throw a hissy fit. While that mayhem was going on Tobi snuck up behind them and curled into Mar's back, and Deidara worked his way between her arms so as to make Mar curl into his back. By the time Hidan realized what was going on the only places left were on either side of her feet. Itachi had draped himself over the left side of her legs, and she was lying on her right... so there was no place left for him really. Unless Hidan wanted to curl up at her feet, but that was really only acceptable to him as a cat. With a very, very dark look and some very threatening mutterings Hidan took the recliner while Kisame claimed the couch.

No one ever really sees Zetsu. Mar didn't call him Phantom for nothing. Everyone just assumed that he had found a comfy place in the community rose garden, because apparently plant discrimination exists. The shiny brand new teams weren't sure what was going on. It's not everyday you see a group of highly feared ninja practically get into a brawl over who gets to impersonate a blanket. The blonde cat looked hopefully at the black kitty in the other group across the room, only to look dejected when it left the room without a backward glance.

Mar woke the next morning, late due to a glorious day off, and stretched slowly. Considering how much weight was currently pinning her in place, the fact that she could stretch at all was pretty impressive. It would seem Mar's body has finally become accustomed to the exercise. When she finally opened her eyes, there was a small ginger kitty in her face. "Morning, honey." An ear twitch was the only response. "Something I can help you with?" Scratching the little lady behind an ear, which she seemed torn about whether to like or not, Mar attempted to get herself out from among the bodies. "I feel like the sole survivor in a horror movie." Mar paused, considering it. "Though corpses wouldn't be so warm and comfy." Rubbing her nose against the back of Deidara's head she hummed contentedly. Then she rolled in place, dislodging Sasori who fell on Tobi. Tobi then wailed as he was crushed, which cause Deidara to yell at him purely on reflex. The noise woke Itachi who offered Mar a hand up, which she took gladly before rubbing against him like a cat and heading to the bathroom.

Pein exited her room just as she was finished her bathroom business, and he went into the kitchen as she got dressed for the day. The moment Kakuzu had... appeared... Mar had learned the value of always being fully dressed. In many layers, with very thick material. She had roasted as the summer had progressed, but whenever she had tried a tank top the look Hidan had sent her always sent Mar scurrying for a hoodie. Something gave her the idea that she'd never be able to act around a cat the same way ever again. Deciding that it had been too long since last she had listened to her iPod, Mar connected it to her iHome and started blasting Saliva's Click Click Boom.

Banging on the ceiling and floor reminded her that there were other people living there as well, and that while it wasn't as early as when she usually starts her day it was still too early to piss people off. Mar turned it down in a hurry, still managing to pantomime an explosion every time 'boom' was said. Dancing her way across the living room, nimbly leaping over the bodies still tangled on the floor, Mar started breakfast. Mar may not be able to cook much, but she could make one helluva breakfast. Team Emo, ahem, Hawk was already gathered around the dishes. Seeing as how she hadn't nearly tripped over them while starting her day right, Mar could only assume that they had spent the night in there.

Actually, now that she thought about it, she hadn't seen Team Sunshine either. Flipping an egg almost lazily, Mar scanned the room carefully. Nope, just the four kitties. Funny, she had thought that Team Sunshine would be up Emo's butt. Apparently rejection hurt worse than she remembered. Sighing an epically large sigh, a feat she had perfected that summer, Mar finished cooking and set the overflowing plates down for her boys before scouring the house for her missing four cats. Looking under the couch, Mar was met with some very familiar eyes. 'Blonde is Naruto, no question. That's the ginger kitty from earlier, so Sakura. Damn, Karin is ginger too. I foresee many mix-ups. The black isn't Sasuke so it must be... Sai? Yeah, makes sense. And of course this handsome white kitty is Kakashi. Why are the whites always so good looking?' Oh, dear. The better question would be how is she to keep the peace with Sai being... himself?

Returning to the kitchen in time to watch an unamused Pein toss cats off the table, Mar grinned as she grabbed some food and brought it out to the cats hiding under the couch. "Wouldn't want my new babies to starve." With a vividness that would have alarmed her any other time, Mar got this flash of putting baby bonnets on them and taking them all for a stroll in a carriage. The snickers that resulted from that little mental picture cause a few looks to be sent her way, but Mar waved them off as she got her giggles back under control. "Okay! I promised my family I would make an appearance today, since I've been avoiding them since you all showed up." Mar started, grabbing her shoes. "You can stay here. Seriously, stay. Feel free to maim any potential thieves, but do not follow me." Mar shuddered at the thought. Just what she needed, rumors at work and at home.

"What about if the kitchen gets caught on fire again, and we need you?" Tobi asked, tilting his head with the most innocent expression on his face. "If you try it, so help me I will never talk to you again. Plus you'll lose all night time Mar privileges, as wrong as that sounds." Tobi pouted for a bit as Mar started out the door. "Behave darlings. I shall be back as soon as I am able to sneak away."

"How long will that fucking take?"

"I'm sneaker than you give me credit for, thanks. Plus, no one ever really notices me anyway." And she was gone, off to socialize with family as her boys are left to... What the hell were they going to do while she was gone? "Who would like to play cards?" Sasori asked, smirking. Kakuzu walked out. "Sore loser."


	21. Family Inquisition

Chapter 21: Family Inquisition

At her grandmother's house, Mar was bouncing around from group to group listening to snippets of conversation. Not contributing, of course, since she never did like most of these people. But listening to a group of people who supposedly loved each other talk crap about the members in the other groups was flipping hilarious. "Mar!" One of her cousins called, waving a hand like a madwoman. "What Siobhan?" Mar sighed, pasting a smile on her face. What could she say? Sai had a point about fake smiles. "I heard the most interesting rumor the other day." Mar's heart sank into her stomach. "I heard from someone who's friends with someone who works with you that you have a boyfriend." I heard it through the grapevine, oh-oh. Mar snapped back to reality when her cousin gave her a pointed look. "I do not, nor will I likely ever, have a boyfriend. I have a couple new roommates, maybe that's who they meant?"

"According to my source," who is this woman, Magnum P.I? "he was hanging all over you. I also think there was something about a kiss, but the details were a bit fuzzy." 'Okay, so the only ones who actually came in contact with me while in public were... most of these bastards. Sasori molested my cheek with his, but I really don't think there were any kisses involved with anyone...' Mar rubbed the bridge of her nose. "My new... friends... think it's hilarious to make me turn fifty shades of pink. And red." Siobhan laughed at her misfortune, as all good cousins should. Note the sarcasm. Kristin barreled into Mar's side, clutching onto her neck and squealing like the silly little girl she could be. "Congrats!" Clutching at the obstruction to her breathing, Mar gave her sister a frightened look. "For what?!"

"He's fricken gorgeous!"

"What the hell are you talking about? He who?"

"He, him!" Kristin unlooped an arm from around Mar's neck to point at the back door. Mar looked over to see what the hell her delusional little sister was talking about. 'He is dead.'

"Tobi! What are you doing here?! How did you even find me?!" Launching herself across the yard, managing a speed a ninja would be proud of, Mar tackled the poor boy to the ground and dragged him out of there. "I told you not to show up under penalty of loss of Mar privileges!" She hissed, looking around to make sure they weren't overheard. Mar's face went blank when she noticed that practically everyone had followed them discretely. Or as discretely as these people could get. 'Though gorgeous wasn't the description I was expecting for Tobi... What was Kristin thinking?'

"But Mar-chan! I missed you!" Tobi exclaimed, as cheerfully hyper as always. "I call bullshit. You just want to torment me!" Mar pointed a finger accusingly. Tobi clutched a hand to his heart, as though wounded by her words. "Mar-chan! How could you think that!" The grin that slowly spread across his face gave him away. Mar closed her eyes so as to count to ten. Then she flung herself at him and hung from his neck, watching as his face slowly morphed into something a bit more uncomfortable. "It's okay Tobi! I missed you too!" She felt hands on her shoulders trying to push her off. "Down, please." A slight change in his voice instantly brought her into high alert. "But I like this Tobi better." Mar said slowly, a small smile appearing on her face. Not wishing to push her luck, Mar dropped to the ground and proceeded to push him farther from the house.

"Where are you two going?" Feeling her heart sink below her stomach and merge with the ground, Mar turned slowly around. "Home, where I will proceed to beat some sense into my friend here." Mar's grandmother, a short Italian woman with a vengeance, grabbed both their arms and pulled them back inside. "Nice try, honey. You and your 'friend' aren't escaping that easily."

"Tobi, I will love you forever if we just... disappeared... right about now." Mar muttered to her right, trying to dig her heels in. For a woman of four feet eleven inches, her gramma had a grip. "I don't know, Mar-chan, I don't think your family would appreciate it if we... disappeared." Mar looked at him sideways, frowning when his wicked grin came into view. "I do not retract my previous statement, but damn are you evil when you aren't adorable."

"Why thank you. Your opinion is valuable to me." Tobi bowed awkwardly, the grip on his arm making it difficult. They grinned good naturedly at each other before being thrown to the wolves. Er, being thrown to her loving family. The questions soon began. "So who's this?" Was a big one. Closely followed by, "And when were you planning on introducing him to us?" This was her immediate family, mostly her sisters because they are... um. Yeah, they think they get veto powers. Her love life, or lack thereof, is not a democracy. "Tobi is not my boyfriend," Mar is ignored. "I was never planning on introducing you because there's no reason to," Mar was getting frustrated by the lack of belief. "How should I know anything about that?" Mar's eyes had grown three sizes, while her face turned a shade of red more at home on a tomato. Tobi was laughing so hard next to her, he had started choking on air. "What? You mean you haven't slept together yet? What's the matter, taken a vow of chastity?"

"Little late for that, huh?" Another aunt laughed, elbowing Mar in the ribs. Big Guy took pity on his big sister and swooped in to steal her, and Tobi, away. "You should have known better. Bringing a guy to this madhouse." Mar's face was still hot, and she was fervently wishing for the ground to open up and swallow her. "He followed me... and I do not want to keep him." Tobi punched her arm lightly, winking at her when she went to rub it. "You know you love me."

"I dunno, you didn't rescue me earlier." He just laughed at her.


	22. Pizza Dilemma

Chapter 22: Pizza Dilemma

After the initial embarrassment had worn off, and she had convinced her family that there really wasn't anything going on, Mar ended up having more fun than she expected. Originally, whenever there was a family thing she couldn't avoid Mar would avoid the people. Making clever remarks in your head and snickering behind people's backs may be fun, but sharing said remarks with other people is a blast.

Every so often Mar would elbow Tobi in the ribs, jut her chin in someone's direction and give him the dirt. "Her? Yeah, no one likes her. We all tolerate her because my grandpa married her mom." A thought struck her and she giggled. "One Christmas, my mom's dog bit her and everyone thought it was hilarious." Some time later, "Those guys? He married his son's ex-girlfriend, so now his granddaughter is his step-daughter. My family tree has so many ingrown branches..." By the end of the afternoon, when they could finally make their escape, Mar and Tobi had had a pretty good time. Despite themselves.

It was when they got back to Mar's place that things got interesting. "Feed me, bitch." Not even through the door yet, and already Hidan was making demands. "Feed yourself, bro. I'm not a maid service."

"I'm fucking starving! And you said that the next person to fucking burn down the Jashin-damned kitchen was gonna 'feel your fucking wrath'."

"Well, not in those exact words... but fair enough. What would you like Gorgeous?" It was official. Mar had reached the point of embarrassment where nothing fazed her anymore. "Pizza." Came the resounding reply. "Whoa, it was in stereo." Deidara came up behind her and collapsed into her back. "Feed me, I'm dying, hm."

"I seriously doubt that, but okay. Now get off me, fatass, you're heavy.

"So, are we ordering out or am I making it?"

"You're making it." Came the loud response. Rarely did her boys find something they could all agree on. It usually involved food, and Mar making it. Not that she would really complain about people appreciating one of her few skills. "Toppings?" Mar asked as she entered the kitchen. "Pepperoni!"

"Mushrooms!"

"Oh-oh! I would like onions!" Tobi said, tackling her from behind. "How many times, Tobi? How many times?" Shaking him off Mar proceeded to finish chopping everything she would need. Debating the need to make more than one pizza, Mar glanced around the room and decided that if they had a problem with sharing they could deal. Just as she was about to finish up with the mushrooms, it happened. Someone from Team Emo must have been lurking under the kitchen table. All she saw was a streak of light color, too fast to really make it out, and she slipped enough to slice open the back of her hand.

"Fuck!" Dropping the knife on the cutting board, Mar went over to the sink and started up the water. "What happened?" Itachi was standing behind the counter, on the living room side. Holding up her hand Mar showed him the nice gash decorating it. "Another scar to add to my collection. Same hand too, woo." A thin line of blood traced it's way down the side of her hand before dripping off. That one drop succumbed to gravity, landing right smack dab on the top of Sunshine's head. Instantly, it was no longer Sunshine sitting there.

"What the hell just happened?!"

"Dude! I should be asking that! Weren't you just a cat?!" The kid with the crazy blonde hair blinked a few times. "Well, yeah. I guess I was. Wait, wait! What the hell are you doing with them?!" A finger pointed wildly in Itachi's direction. "Uh... Living?" Mar said slowly, pressing a towel to her hand. No need to accidentally turn every cat back. Mar could see them lurking around the room. "Why the hell are you living with them?!" Wow this kid was very excitable. "They had no place else to go, now could you tone it down a bit? You're giving me a headache."

Carefully not looking at him, Mar continued, "And you might want to consider getting some clothes." Pausing in his very loud rant, Naruto's face first went pale. Then it exploded with color and he ducked behind the table, peeking out at Mar as she started laughing so hard she doubled over. "Shut up! It's not funny!"

"It's hilarious! How do you not notice you're naked?" Deidara poked his head into the kitchen. Glancing at Naruto for a moment, he turned to Mar and snapped his fingers a few times to get her attention. "You want me to get him some clothes while you finish cooking? Hm? I think Hidan's about to start breaking stuff, hm."

"Yeah, I'll wrap this up," Konan came into the room with the first aid kit. "Thank you, dear. I'll get the pizza in the oven when I'm no longer in danger of bleeding all over it."

"I'm not going anywhere with him!"

"Either you come with me, or you can sit there naked for the rest of the time you're stuck here with us, hm." Deidara gave Naruto a very flat look, crossing his arms as he waited for Naruto to finish thinking it over. After making a very impressive growling noise, Naruto surrendered. "Fine! But don't try anything funny!" Deidara snorted as he threw a towel at Naruto's head. "I'm not into guys. Now come on, hm."

"You sure about that Deidara?" Mar asked with an innocent expression.

"Shut it, you know you're the only one for me,hm." Deidara said absently, pushing Naruto out of the room. "That isn't what I meant!" Mar heard as they disappeared from view. Excitable, indeed.


	23. Cheesy Aftermath

Chapter 23: Cheesy Aftermath

Five minutes. They had been in her room for five minutes, and all Mar had heard was complaining. "I'm not wearing that!" Naruto. "You don't have a choice, hm!" Deidara. "I would rather die!" Naruto again. "That could be arranged, hm!" Deidara again. Back and forth it went, Naruto apparently not appreciating Deidara's fashion sense and Deidara not appreciating Naruto's... well... entire personality. Mar had long since finished putting the pizza together, and they were just waiting for it to finish cooking. Naruto wasn't the only person complaining loudly. "I'm fucking starving! Is it done now?!" Hidan asked, dropping onto the couch next to Mar nearly landing in her lap. "No, you pain in the ass. You'll be the first to know when it is." Sasori leaned against the back of the couch, directly behind her head. "Suddenly the cats think you're their best friend. Interesting how quickly they change their mind when they discover that you're the key to their... dilemma."

"I know, right? The last month they've been doing their best to avoid me and now it's like, well, when you guys were kitties. Only not as cool."

"Fine, I'll wear this." Mar heard Naruto grumble shortly before he appeared in the living room. "You look so uncomfortable." Mar observed, watching as he fidgeted. "So, so. When are you gonna turn Sakura-chan and Kakashi-sensei back?"

"I'm not. And I think you forgot someone, there."

"What?! Why not?!" Mar clapped her hands over her ears as Naruto's voice rose even more. "Because I don't trust you. Quiet down before someone calls the cops." Naruto looked like he was about to have a stroke. "Don't trust us?! But you trust them!" Sasori smiled a bit before leaning forward a bit more, effectively resting his head against Mar's. "Haven't you heard the rumors? We're her harem." Mar waved him off, newly bandaged hand pushing against his cheek. "They haven't given me a reason not to trust them. Except for that one incident where Hidan tried to scratch out my eyes, but I just chalk that up to nearly being drowned." Naruto's face had turned an interesting color. Mar wasn't sure if it was from Sasori's comment or the idea that someone could trust the Akatsuki but not him. Probably a combination of the two. "What did we do to make you not trust is?"

"Well, over the last four or so weeks there was the epic kitty battle of doom, and then there was the stairs incident, and..."

"Okay, okay! Forget I asked." Naruto grumbled, eyes turned to the side. "Plus, I can't trust you not to start a fight with someone. Especially with Emo running around. Who I don't trust not to start shit with Itachi. And Itachi is one of my boys." Mar's face went blank. "They all are, so lay off or go homeless. Your choice." Naruto scowled at her. "Why are you taking their side? Don't you know who they are?"

"Evil criminal organization. Yup." She popped the 'p'. "But they were my kitties for months, and my boys after that. So I became attached, so sue me." The front door opened, gaining everyone's attention. Kisame and Kakuzu soon came into view. "Where have you two been lurking?" Mar asked, eyebrow raised. "Tobi had disappeared." Kakuzu said, as if it explained everything. Which it did, actually. "And you didn't think to see if he had followed me?" Mar asked, a smile working it's way onto her face. "We weren't sure where you went." Kisame said, placing a hand on the top of her head and pressing down slightly as he went by into the bathroom. "... You have trouble tracking down a little civilian girl?" Naruto was watching them interact, a look of disbelief on his face. "How? How the hell can you be so comfortable with them?"

"We went over this. It's cause I love them to pieces." Naruto leaned forward clutching his head. "What the hell?!" Mar patted his back, then went into the kitchen to grab the pizza while Naruto dealt with his mini mental breakdown. Tripping over all the cats that had stalked her out of the room, Mar casually nudged them out of her way. "Okay, here's the deal. I don't particularly like or dislike any of you. I don't know you, you don't know me. If you fuck with me, or my boys, you will be homeless." A stern look around the room. "Savvy?"

Little kitty heads nodded awkwardly. Mar nodded back in satisfaction, "Good. I'm not normally so, disagreeable, but I have to protect what's mine, y'know?" A steaming pizza was placed on the counter and was immediately swarmed. "Dude's save some for me!" A slice was presented to her. "Thank you Sasori. Much obliged." Turning to head back into the living room she was tripped again. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to kill me." A not too gentle nudge was that particular cats reward. "Evil bastard." The light blue cat, we're gonna go with Suigetsu, gave her an unamused look. "I'm fifty times your size. Don't mess with me, bro."

Successfully making it back onto the couch, where Naruto was still bent over, Mar took a large bite of her slice. "Any better?"

"I don't... get... it." He was practically pulling out his hair. "Well, look at it this way. You still think of Sasuke as a friend, yes?"

"Yes!"

"Even though he's technically an evil villain now? And did all those horrible things to you?"

"Yeah..." Naruto was looking uncertain.

"Why?" Marlena asked, taking another bite. "Because he's my friend! My teammate!" Pure conviction. It made her teeth hurt. "He doesn't feel the same." Mar pointed out. "Doesn't matter!"

"Exactly. Even if my boys weren't as awesome as they are they would still be my boys." Mar said, taking two more bites. Finished she wiped her hands on her pants. Sweats are hardly ruined by grease stains. "Simply because when I first met them, they were the best buddies anyone could ask for. Which is more than can be said for Sasuke, so imagine how you'd feel if Sasuke had treated you better before he left. Bastard." Naruto opened his mouth to retort, but paused and looked deep in thought. "I'd probably be even more determined to he him back..."

"Aw, I love you too, Mar-chan." Tobi said as he jumped on her. Staring at the guy in her lap, Mar sighed. "I'm still upset with you for following me, stalker."

"But, but!"

"No buts."

"But I was good!"

"Yes, you were. I also said no following me under penalty of loss of Mar privileges." She shook a finger at him before pressing it into his chest and pushing him off. Sure, he let her do it but it still felt good. "What the hell?" Naruto said, looking at them flatly. "I warned him, I did. Lucky my family loved him. Weird, but lucky."

"How the hell could anyone like that guy, hm?" Deidara asked, giving Tobi a look of pure hatred. "He toned down the annoying tendencies for me. Tobi's my good boy." Mar beamed at Tobi, who looked away. "Aw, so cute~"

"So, about my teammates..."

"No, Naruto. Maybe at some point, but I really can't fit any more people. The current arrangement only works because we all sleep in a giant puppy pile."

"About that..."

"Don't ask. Just, don't ask." Mar rubbed her temples, exhausted. "I am gonna take a shower and go to bed. Today was too stressful for me."

She did just that. Though a few of the cats did try to follow her into the bathroom. Sasori used his strings to reel them back into the living room. "Thank you, darling."

"Of course, sweetheart." That was new. Mar didn't know if she liked the new banter. Guess it could be worse, it could be like those damn fanfictions where everyone's falling in love with everyone else. Gods, that would be hell. The last thing Mar thought before passing out, 'Thank you gods that this isn't a fanfiction.'.


	24. Shower Adventure

Chapter 24: Shower Adventure

Waking up slowly, seeing as Mar really had no where she had to be, she encountered her usual daily pig pile. Squirming her way out from among the bodies, Mar straightened up only to discover an unfamiliar pair of blue eyes watching her. "Do you always sleep like that?" Naruto asked softly, running a finger down a sleeping Sakura's back. Mar could hear the feline kunoichi purring in her sleep. "Sadly, yes. I'm getting pretty good at escaping." Naruto nodded, carefully removing his teammates from his lap. Mar supposed they had all bunked together on the recliner, seeing as Kakuzu had claimed the couch last night. Kisame and Kakuzu were the only two people, other than Pein who gets his own room, who didn't insist on getting a turn sleeping on top of her. Mostly because they seem convinced that they'd crush her into the floor. A valid point since Mar was on the tiny side and they were, well, not.

Following Mar into the kitchen, Naruto stretched and yawned before sitting at the table. "So, what's the plan for today?"

"I have work later this afternoon, so you'll have to think of something to do while I'm gone. Please don't destroy my house."

"Me?! What about them?" Naruto asked, pointing into the living room. "Oh, they'll be fine. Two of them will be coming with me, as usual. Not sure who yet, we'll see who wins that argument. Everyone else will leave you alone, I'm sure."

"How can you be sure?" Naruto asked suspiciously, eying her slowly. Mar blinked at him, then considered his question. "Well, I know they won't start with you because they respect me too much to attack one of my guests, though don't expect anything when you all go back from whence you came." Mar warned, wagging a finger slowly. "But if you start something, they will finish it, and you are outnumbered sir."

"I didn't notice." Naruto said dryly. Mar stared at him some more. "I never would have expected sarcasm from your mouth." She told him truthfully, pouring the milk into her cereal. Gesturing to her bowl setup, Mar quirked an eyebrow in inquiry. "Yeah, sure. And I'm not as dumb as people think I am!"

"Just ridiculously excitable, and loud, hm?" Great, now she was starting to sound like Deidara. "Uh, yeah I guess." Snagging the bowl she slid to him, Naruto grabbed a spoon and started eating. "What is this?"

"Reese's Puffs."

"Is that chocolate?"

"Yup." Popped the 'p'.

"And peanut butter?"

"Indeed."

"This is awesome." Naruto declared, shoveling some more in his mouth. "Glad you agree." Mar replied with a smirk. There was silence as they finished breakfast, Naruto going back for a couple more bowls, and as soon as they were done Naruto asked another question. He seemed full of them this morning. Must have been the month he couldn't speak's worth. "Why do they follow you to work?" Naruto asked, rinsing out his bowl under Mar's watchful eye. "I dunno, maybe they think I'm going to be mugged."

"Would you get mugged?" Naruto asked in alarm, eyes going wide. "Well, it's never happened before but there's a first time for everything I guess." Mar answered, heading for the bathroom. "I've never had ninja cats turning into people before, and look at me now."

"A ninja cat turned human harem."

"Not even funny, blondie." Mar said flatly, giving Naruto a look. "The rumors of my wild orgy parties are vastly exaggerated." Naruto's face turned an interesting shade of reddish purple. "What?!" Mar shook her head as she shut the door behind her. "Don't ask, please, do not ask." Soon the shower could be heard and Naruto turned to head back to the living room. He nearly ran into someone's chest. "Okay, brat, listen up, hm." Deidara started, looming over Naruto. "Leave Mar alone, and we will have no problems, hm."

"What are you talking about?" Naruto asked, trying to duck around him. "We were here first, hm. No trying to worm your way onto her list, hm."

"What list?!" Naruto was getting annoyed. All he wanted was to get back to his team before Sakura woke up so he could pat her head a bit more, and this is what happens.

"The list of her boys. That would be us, not you. Don't get any ideas." Sasori added, coming up behind Deidara. Well, like it was previously stated there were few things all the boys could agree on. Though this was something new...

"Whatever, now move." Naruto shoved Deidara to the side, slipped past Sasori and went back to the recliner he had slept in last night. Unfortunately, for him, all the other cats had woken while he was eating breakfast. "Hey guys!" Three annoyed cat glares. "Oh, right..." Clearing his throat in embarrassment, Naruto glanced around the room. "Well, what the hell should we do?"

Mar was enjoying herself. The water was warm, but not too warm. Her iPod was playing on the sink, one of her favorite songs even. Loud enough that she didn't hear the door open, or the soft padding footsteps. Mar noticed when a small furry body jumped in with her, however. The shriek that accompanied that move was enough to shake the apartment. The accompanying stampede of ninja was actually rather impressive. Looking up and seeing a predominantly male crowd in front of you is rather... uncomfortable? That sounds good enough, and Mar flung the blue cat at their faces. Holding the shower curtain in front of herself, Mar pointed at the offender. "Get it out. Or so help me god I will skin it alive."

Nobody believed her, but everyone piled out of the bathroom all the same. Holding Suigetsu by the scruff of his neck, Kisame shook him a few times. "No, bad kitty." The look he got in return was priceless.


	25. Night Shift

Chapter 25: Night Shift

Coming out of her room, Mar stormed into the living room. "I said no messing with me kitty." Giving Suigetsu a look that should kill, Mar turned her nose up at him and sat between Itachi and Sasori. "At least we know that warm water doesn't work for these cats the way it did for us." Kisame pointed out helpfully. "Don't care." Mar muttered, staring blankly at the t.v. Naruto was watching her, well, studying her more like. "You okay?"

"I will be as soon as counting to ten starts working."

"Counting to ten?" Naruto asked blankly, head tilting to the side. "Yes. You calm down your way, I calm down mine." Mar said, giving the t.v a disgusted look. "What the hell are we watching?"

"Ask Kisame, he put it on." Sasori said, flipping through a book. Looks like he snagged the Harry Potter book Itachi had finished. "Believe it was called, 'A Thousand Ways to Die'." Kisame said.

"... I'm not even going to go there." Mar muttered, walking back into her room. "Gotta check my hand. The bleeding should have stopped by now."

"You sliced it open. How would it have stopped already?" Itachi inquired, since he's too bad ass to merely ask a question. "I heal fast. It's convenient. It'll definitely scar, though." Mar shrugged a shoulder before vanishing into the hall. "Score!"

Mar bounced back into the living room, DVD case in hand. "Petshop of Horrors! Much better than that crap!" Sliding across the floor to the t.v, Mar put the disc in the player and proceeded to watch stupid people get eaten or maimed by bad ass pets. One guy got eaten by a giant fish he thought was his dead bride. Yeah, the show could be pretty messed up.

And so the rest of the morning went by, Mar forcing everyone to watch people be mauled by rabbits. Before she knew it, it was time to get ready to leave for her shift. "I dun wanna go, dun make me." She groaned, dragging her feet back into her room. There was a quick yet affective brawl behind her as the boys decided who would be accompanying her. Hidan and Deidara won, unfortunately, so Mar had this feeling that everything was going to head south. At a rather brisk pace.

Pulling into the parking lot, her worst fears were realized when she got a good look at how packed it was. Walking into the building was like walking into a zoo. The check out line was insane, looping up and around to the other end of the store near the jewelry. Jaw agape, Mar shivered as it dawned on her just how bad today could go. "You will both behave, or else."

"Or else what, hm?"

"Or else what I did to Tobi." Mar said, jaw set. Deidara shifted his eyes to the side, mouth twisted into a pout. "That's what I thought." Settling herself into her nook for the day, Mar pressed the next button and soon settled into a neat little pattern. Half an hour flew by like it was nothing, and when the front was again under control Mar stepped back from the counter and took a breath. "I see your boy toys are here again." Damn, Mar had been hoping she wasn't here today. "For the last time, they are not my boy toys. And yes, they are here today."

"Guess who's back from his vacation!" Wow, talk about subject changes. "Keaton! He's closing tonight, I'm so excited." Mar could feel her mouth twitching in profound amusement. Keaton was the store's hiring manager, and it was no secret that Danisha was 'in love' with him. Seriously, every time he's mentioned Danisha professes her undying love for him. She even started looking for another job so that she could seriously start trying to win him over. Keaton thinks she's a weird ass stalker girl, which is amazingly hilarious. He even went so far as to start a rumor of a girlfriend to get her to back off. It didn't help.

"Is he? Cool. We might get out early tonight then." You have to love the managers with lax standards. They don't care if the jobs done perfectly, as long as it's good enough. "That would be great. I'm already set for this night to be done." Danisha went back to her station, and Mar let out a breath. Hopefully tonight wouldn't be as long as she feared. What? A girl can hope.


	26. Addition

Chapter 26: Addition

Surprisingly the rest of the night went nice and smoothly. It wasn't until they were getting ready to close the doors that there was a snag. Deidara and Hidan refused to exit the store so the doors could be locked. The store was closed, so they couldn't stay inside. Keaton and Hidan were having a staring match, having reached an impasse, and finally Mar had had enough. "Guys! Just wait outside for me, it shouldn't be longer than fifteen minutes. Tops."

"What is their problem?" Keaton asked, watching the two of them walk out the door. Deidara was looking over his shoulder, keeping an eye on Mar most likely. "They like to think of themselves as my bodyguards. It's insanely annoying, yet adorable all at once." Mar sighed a record setting sigh and grabbed three of the cash drawers before heading for the stairs.

Counting the money was her favorite part of the day. Mar could finish all three of the drawers she had grabbed in those fifteen minutes promised to the boys. Dashing around the office, printing out paperwork and organizing everything properly, Mar kept tabs on the time. A sinking feeling in her stomach let her know that if she went over her self imposed time limit her boys would most likely come in after her. Mar really wouldn't put it past them.

Then finally, they were done. The store was clean. Keaton unlocked the door to set them free, and Mar shot out of it and grabbed Deidara and Hidan's arms before pulling them along behind her. "Was tonight really necessary?" She asked, looking straight ahead. "Really, what was that guy's fucking problem?" Hidan asked, glancing behind them at the other people making their way across the parking lot. "Not what I meant." Mar ground out, each word clipped. "We were told to keep an eye on you. That's what we were doing, hm." Deidara pointed out. "Dudes! The entire front of the store is a giant ass piece of glass! You could watch me from outside just as easily." Mar started up the car once everyone was properly seated, and then started the short drive home.

"Not wherever you fucking went." Hidan muttered, staring blankly out the window. Mar glanced back at him. "I'm sorry Gorgeous, but them's the breaks." Deidara snickered when Mar said 'Gorgeous', giving her a long look. "Shut the fuck up Deidara. No need to go all jealous on me."

"Who'd be jealous over you, hm?"

"Just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean it never will." Mar muttered, making a sharper than necessary turn into the driveway. Deidara smirked as they walked into the apartment. A room full of males turned in unison to stare as she walked into the living room. "I won't say worst day ever, since the crap didn't start until the last possible minute, but still.. Gah." Mar walked into the center of the room, sat on the floor, and started assembling her bed. Wrapping herself in a blanket cocoon, since the early autumn air was starting to get a bit chilly, Mar curled into a little ball and lay down on the floor.

In record time Mar found herself completely surrounded in bodies, as everyone else moved furniture and grabbed blankets of their own. Mar had taken Tobi's advice and gotten more of them in preparation for the colder months. Itachi had claimed the spot behind her, since he was too much a gentleman to climb on top of her, and Tobi curled up in front of her. Mar pulled him back into her arms for a proper snuggle, because most of the time he acts so adorable it's easy to forget that he's actually a grown adult. Sasori claimed the top spot that night, and Hidan threw himself over her legs.

Glancing up at the couch, Mar noticed that Kisame had claimed that for himself. Kakuzu was in the recliner that Naruto had been in the other night, and the blonde was no where in sight. Eyes narrowed, Mar figured that he was fine, if missing, because the more volatile evil villains had gone with her that night. "Where's my favorite blonde?"

"Right here, hm."

"Yeah right. Seriously, where is he?" Mar asked again. Deidara growled from the corner he'd claimed as his own. "I'm over here. Hey, hey, I was wondering... if I could go over there... with you guys?" Naruto was in the farthest corner, covered in his teammates which Mar found rather cute, looking to the side and poking his index fingers together. Talk about your Hinata moments. "Um, if you want to? I don't have a problem with it." Mar said, freeing an arm to pat the ground above her head. Darting forward, dislodging animals left and right, Naruto curled up with a blanket of his own, facing Mar. 'Please don't tell me I acquired another fan. I couldn't handle it.'


	27. Midnightmare

Chapter 27: Midnightmare

'Twas the middle of the night, and all through the apartment not a creature was stirring. Not even that one mouse Mar sees on occasion. And feeds whenever it shows up. She named it Fred. Moving on! The place was quiet, and peaceful, and then it was ruined in one fell swoop. Mar's body went rigid, before her eyes snapped open and she stared at the back of Tobi's head as she tried getting her breathing back under control. A nightmare. Mar hadn't had a nightmare, a bad one anyway, since... whoa, not since the guys all showed up. They must give her a safe, squishy feeling. Joy. Calming her breathing, Mar tried to relax enough to fall back asleep. Feeling her muscles loosening, slowly, Mar let her eyes drift closed.

Ten minutes later and nothing had changed. Mentally groaning, so as not to disturb her bed buddies, Mar carefully sat up and scooted her way to freedom. Not bothering to get dressed, she grabbed her shoes and hoodie and made her way outside. This calls for a circuit around the park, maybe more than one, and it was downright cold outside tonight. Tossing herself down the stairs in a controlled free fall, Mar reached the bottom and headed off at a slow jog. Halfway to the park, Mar realized she completely forgot her iPod and started cursing. "What's wrong?"

"Shit!" Mar had been so startled she tripped on air and fell on her face. Rubbing her nose, Mar glared up at whoever had followed her. Wide innocent looking blue eyes greeted her. "Damn. I forgot my iPod, that's all." Naruto grinned hugely at her before reaching into his pocket. "You mean this?"

"Oh my great good gods, you saved my life. I love you." Mar attached herself to his neck, squeezing the life out of him in a giant hug. Well, not literally but you get the point. Naruto turned an interesting red color. Mar noticed that he did that a lot. "Hehe..." Grin turning sheepish, Naruto rubbed the back of his neck before they started on Mar's run again. "Is this something you do often?" Naruto asked as they rounded the first corner. "Not since this little adventure of mine began. But it did happen on occasion before." Mar answered, bopping along in time to the beat. Neon Trees, always good for a mood lifting, fast paced song or two. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Nope." Mar popped the 'p'. "Bad dreams, bro. Just plain bad." Coming to a sudden stop, Mar started jamming in the middle of the sidewalk. Naruto stared at her until she had finished and continued on their way. "Don't judge me." Mar muttered, eyes closed. Running with your eyes closed. Right up there with running with scissors. Naruto yanked her to the side just in time to avoid a head on collision with a tree. "I could totally see that."

"Yeah, sure. And I can walk on air."

"Stop with the sarcasm. It's unnerving." Mar complained, pulling one of the buds out of her ear. "Wanna listen?" Nodding, he took the offering and proceeded to sample whatever it was she was dancing to. Yes, what had started as a jog had quickly degenerated into dancing down the street. "Are these love songs?" Naruto asked, incredulous. "Technically? But they aren't sappy, so it's okay!"

"If you say so..." Mar huffed at his disbelieving tone. "So, so. What was your dream about?" Cue incessant fidgeting. "It wasn't really scary, per se. I've had scarier."

"Then why did you freak out?" Damn, he'd witnessed it.

"It's 'cause I lost control, okay? I no longer had a say in what happened, and it freaked me out." Turning up the music, she picked up speed. It really hadn't been that bad, not compared to some other dreams she'd had. There was a pet shop, with floor to ceiling fish tanks. Every single tank had those fish you only find at the very bottom of the ocean. Y'know, the ones with no eyes, because they live where the sun literally doesn't shine? Those and snake looking fish. No matter how hard she tried to get away from them, Mar found herself falling into the water, where she would feel their slimy fishy bodies rubbing against her.

The freak out was when she realized there was no way for her to make it stop, because her usual first lines of defense were not working.

Naruto must have gotten the hint, something else Mar wasn't sure she liked, and dropped the subject. The rest of their run was mostly quiet, and they arrived back home without incident. The group on the floor had shifted to fill in her space, however. Sagged in defeat, Mar went to get another blanket for herself and came back into the living room to see Naruto had made another nest.

"Can I join you?" Mar asked hopefully. Looking as though he wasn't sure which answer would be worse, Naruto finally nodded reluctantly. Curling up in a little ball, Mar took up as little space as possible. Naruto's expression changed to surprise, he probably expected her to cuddle with him the way she always did with the others. Curling up as well, Naruto claimed the remaining space. Back to back, Mar and Naruto soon warmed up enough that they could drift off to sleep. It was once again peaceful, until morning when they were discovered. That's when life once again got interesting.


	28. Evil Mornings

Chapter 28: Evil Mornings

Mar was drifting in a calm, warm place. Not asleep, yet not quite awake yet either, Mar smiled sleepily to herself. Eyes still closed she could hear movement around her, but years of sharing a room with a sister who started her day at the crack of dawn accustomed Mar to ignore all noises. Yelling was a different story, however, and the moment Hidan noted where Mar had vanished to the quiet was disrupted. "What the fuck are you doing with that fucking loser?!"

"Hidan, stop shouting in the morning. Seriously, not cool man." Mar moaned, burying her face in the warmth. Whatever pillow she had found last night was amazing. "I'll stop fucking yelling when you stop fucking abandoning us in the middle of the Jashin-damned night!" What the hell was he yelling about? This was the first time she'd woken up without someone hanging all over her.

"Jealousy doesn't look good on you, Hidan, hm." Deidara smirked, getting up from his corner. "Fuck you, she-male. If she'd ruined your turn, you'd be fucking pissed too." Finally opening her eyes, Mar glared at the room in general. "Can't a girl get some sleep around here?" Her pillow waved an arm in annoyance. Wait... Naruto opened an eye, clearly unhappy about the rude wake up call. "What the hell is up with the noise?!" Mar sat up, blanket falling off her. "The brats are upset 'cause you stole me. You dirty thief." Naruto rolled over, pulling the blanket over his head. "Not my fault you like me better! Now go away, I'm still tired."

"We weren't up that late."

"It was three in the morning!" The high pitched whine coming from the lump that was Naruto made Mar grin. "Like I said, not that late. Breakfast?" Tobi leapt on her, rubbing his face against hers. "Mar-chan! Don't you love me anymore?!" Mar fell backward, unable to hold him up for long. "Ack! Tobi!" Naruto let out a huff of air as Mar and Tobi landed on him. Soon they were all tangled together, and Mar gave another annoyed look.

"I am tired, and hungry, and not in the mood for your antics." Tobi quickly untangled himself from the mess and helped Mar up. "Thank you. Now I will go eat, then commandeer my room for a nap. I don't care if the house is on fire, leave me to burn."

"As though we could do that." Itachi said, handing her a bowl. Mar graciously accepted the peace offering, stuffing her face full of Puffs. "It would be a mercy killing. Put me out of my misery."

"What the fuck makes you think we do fucking mercy killings?"

"Point taken." As Naruto yawned, Mar stuck a spoonful in his mouth. When he had finished choking, Naruto glared at her. "What the hell?!"

"Sugar makes everything all better." Movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention, and she turned around only to discover that there were cats surrounding her. "Well, almost everything. Haven't seen Team Emo in awhile, where have you been holing up?" Four pairs of eyes narrowed at the nickname chosen for them. "Speaking of teams, where's-" Sai landed on her head, tail in the air. "Found them." Reaching up to grab Sai, Mar pulled her hand away with a hiss. "He bit me!"

"Did he break the skin?" Sasori asked, inspecting the damage. "No, no. Little kitty teeth don't break skin that easily. Thank god."

Dumping Sai on the floor, Mar decided that she might as well get ready for the day. No more sleep was to be had that morning, not with he threat of random cat attacks. Making sure the bathroom door was barricaded, Mar took a quick shower before getting dressed in her room. Which was also barricaded. "Mar?" A voice through the door asked timidly. "Yes, Naruto?"

"Where do I get a change of clothes?"

"Crap, I completely forgot. Uh, ask Deidara for now, and we'll go shopping later, 'kay?" Only silence could be heard. "Naruto?"

"Do we have to?"

"Would you rather be naked?"

"No..." Naruto admitted, banging his head on the door. "Fine, I'll go shopping." Mar opened the door, watching as Naruto fell to the floor, and stepped over him as she exited. "Not my idea of fun either, but some things you can't help. I need new shoes anyway. The bottoms are just giant holes at this point."

"What about shopping?" Konan asked, waiting to re-enter the room. "Naruto needs clothes. Our boys aren't really all that great at sharing."

"Fuck that." Hidan said, staring hostilely at poor Naruto. Mar whacked him upside his head. "Behave, menace."


	29. Bonding

Chapter 29: Bonding

Shopping went flawlessly, Mar and Naruto grabbing a pile of clothing in the appropriate sizes and raced through the line at a breakneck speed. Mar briefly considered getting the other cats a few things, to save time later, but had no idea what sizes would be needed so quickly disregarded that thought. Danisha also had that day off, it seemed, so no one was there to give her a hard time. Mar couldn't have asked for more. There weren't any disasters waiting for her at home either, thankfully, so after a few minutes of socializing with her various loves Mar called it a day.

Surprisingly, Mar and Naruto got along rather well. Over the next few weeks they had spent the most time together, to the great displeasure of the other occupants. "What the fuck?" Hidan complained one day, watching Naruto and Mar square off in a game. "Shush, love, kicking ass." Mar said shortly. After a short internal struggle, Mar had resisted the urge to play Naruto: Ninja Storm so as to defeat Naruto using Naruto. Instead she had dug out an old school Dragonball Z game, making it fair since she couldn't remember any of the controls.

This didn't stop her from dominating anyway. "What the hell?!" Naruto shouted as he was knocked out yet again. "Learn to block, bro. Blocking will be your best friend." Mar told him, once again showing him the block button. "I know it'll kill you to do so, since it isn't your style." Naruto glowered at her, viciously punching her character in the face. "Seriously, Naruto, you are so predictable. Charge in swinging, hope for the best." Mar continued, a smile on her face and teasing note in her voice. With a low growl, Naruto's guy rushed hers and ended up face down on the ground. "Not to mention being easily riled."

"Agh!" Naruto threw the controller across the room. "Why do you always win?!"

"'Cause I know how to push all your buttons."

"That's cheating!" Naruto complained.

"All's fair in love and war, sweetheart." Mar dismissed casually, waving a hand in the air. "Anyone else up for a round?" The silence was answer enough. "Okay then. I shall go online to prove to my minions that I am in fact alive."

"Since when do you have minions?" Sasori asked, gripping the remote tightly. "I've always had minions, Sasori, you just haven't met them 'cause I've been too busy entertaining you all." Mar explained, grabbing her mouse and the wire to connect the laptop to the t.v. It was true, mostly. Mar had stolen a few moments to check game updates, once, taking control of the t.v from Kisame. He had not gone down easily.

"And you leave your minions unattended. For shame." Sasori admonished, smiling over his shoulder at her. "They'll live. Hopefully." Mar quickly signed onto her account, fingers flying over the keys. "Oh, look. Everyone's online now." A pop-up appeared on the screen. "Right on cue. S'up, homies?" Mar had pulled a mic out of the end table.

"Where the hell have you been?!" A loud voice echoed around the room. "Down, dude. Real life intruded." Mar winced, rubbing an ear.

"I hate it when that happens." A low voice sympathized. "Happy to inform you that the invasion went perfectly, boss."

"Stop calling me boss. It's a democracy." Mar complained, finished logging into the game. The screen exploded in private chats and alerts. "Holy shit."

"We've been recruiting in your absence. This is why you need a second, bro." The low voice explained.

"Oh my fucking god, I hate this guy!"

"Psy? What the hell?" Mar asked. "I'm being camped, a little help would be appreciated." Psy snapped, the sounds of furious clicking coming through the mic. "Where are you?" Mar demanded. "Outside... Damn where am I?" Mar face palmed, catching the mic in the hit. "Sand. I'm outside Sand. Almost forgot what I was doing."

"Sand? 'Kay, you coming Night?"

"Already there. I had business."

"Exact coords would be nice, Psy." Mar said slowly.

"Right above the 's' on the minimap." Psy said, voice distorted. Based on past experience, Mar would say he was gritting his teeth. "Awesome, stay dead for a moment or so. We'll run a few high ranked missions after we demolish these guys to make up the exp. you're losing."

"I'm there, Mar. How we doing this?"

"Take no prisoners."

"Got it."

Naruto was staring at the screen, mouth agape. "Why does your character look like me?" Mar covered the mic before answering. "Because I chose you as my base character. My stamina is through the roof." Seeing Night in the distance, Mar slowed her speed. "Here. Let's do this." Loading a skill, Mar's character appeared behind the enemy and stuck a Rasengan in his back. "Base implies that you've built on it." Sasori pointed out.

"Indeed I have. But the specifics are a secret." Mar retreated a few steps before launching several kunai which promptly exploded in the poor guys face. Night came in from the other side, finishing the guy off. "Can we do that again?" Psy asked, hitting respawn. "How about no. I'm only here to let you know I'll be M.I.A for a little bit. I'm transferring control to Night. Have fun without me, homies."


	30. Personified

Chapter 30: Personified

After much pleading, Psy and Night got Mar to stay online long enough to help them both level. Naruto strained his brain trying to figure out what other abilities she borrowed for her character, but was unable to unravel the mystery. Psy was no help. "Just give it up, man. Mar tells no one how she got so bad ass."

"I'm not bad ass, Psy. So there's nothing to tell. It's like someone asking you how you got so good-looking."

"I hate you." Psy said flatly, slaughtering a few more bandits. Mar just grinned, knowing he couldn't see it and the silence would drive him nuts. When she had logged back out, Mar put all the miscellaneous gadgets away and stretched. "I am starving." Hopping off the couch, Mar made her way around Naruto and into the kitchen. Pausing at the entrance long enough to check the area for cats, Mar deduced that it was indeed safe to enter and proceeded to do so. Team Emo had gotten desperate to become human again, and had started trying to ambush her whenever she moved from one room to another. Already Mar has nearly lost an eye twice, and once she nearly lost a finger. The scratch on that hand still stung.

Kakashi kitty was on the table, lazily waving his tail in the air. Turning to see who had just entered the room, Kakashi regarded her with a single eye passively. "Hello cute kitty." His eye drooped slightly, giving the impression of being extremely put out. "Don't take it personally, please." Mar continued, ignoring the look she was getting. Minding her own business, not bothering anyone, Mar was buttering her toast. Laziness had led her to this point, where though the buttering knives were all in the sink Mar saw no reason to wash them. Instead, Mar had gotten a paring knife and was using this to finish her meal of laziness.

Something she soon regretted, for alas as soon as she was nearly done Karin decided to jump onto her back. Already leaning forward slightly, intent on making her toast as delicious as possible (mm, cinnamon) the sudden weight made her lose her balance. Fall, isn't the word exactly. A sharp movement forward, more like, followed by a particularly loud hiss of pain. The knife had nicked the side of Mar's wrist, hitting a minor blood vessel just enough to send a slight spray across the table.

Karin was not hit, and a low growl proved just how angry she was about that, but another kitty that was on the table was. Without even bothering to look up, Mar wrapped a towel around her wrist and shouted, "Tobi!" Said adorable ninja came barreling into the room. Seeing the situation, Tobi skidded to a stop and gasped theatrically. "Mar-chan! Cover your eyes!" Mar laughed, still face down on the table. "I already did, Tobi-dear." Tobi stopped waving his arms like a loon. "Oh. Then why did you call me, Mar-chan?"

"'Cause my buddy here needs clothes, and to get off the table, and you my love are roughly his size." Mar explained, peeking at Tobi from under her arm. If Mar hadn't been looking for it, she wouldn't have noticed the dark look that flickered in the back of Tobi's eyes. "Okay, Mar-chan, I'll share. Be right back!" Mar nodded, eyes focused on the floor. Carefully backing away from the table, Mar noticed that her toast was completely ruined. Unless Zetsu wanted it, in which case the blood splatters made a nice seasoning, but essentially ruined. "Excuse me while I skin a cat." Kakashi chuckled as he watched Mar slowly back up towards the entryway, finally spinning and stalking into the living room. "Karin! You wrecked my snack, you bitch!"

"Really? That's what you flip out about, hm?" Deidara asked incredulously. Mar shot him a look, stepping aside as Tobi shot past her. "I'm hungry, and now my poor toast is all bloody." Kakuzu grabbed her injured arm, pulling aside the towel to inspect the damage. "You shouldn't need stitches, but it's still going to heal slowly. It's right on the joint, so unless you stop using this hand and keep it completely immobile..." Mar snorted, "As if I could manage that."

"In which case, expect this to take more time than your hand." Kakuzu finished. Mar nodded her understanding, then pulled free and snatched up Karin before she could escape. "Now, about how you ruined my poor toast." Ears flat to her skull, Karin tried looking as adorable as possible. Unfortunately, for her, Mar has no mercy for people (and animals) who ruin food. Karin was then promptly tossed outside, doors and windows all shut and locked for the first time in months. "When are we letting her back in?" Itachi questioned, watching Mar carefully. "Not sure, going to play this one by ear." Mar replied, brushing her hands together as she went back into the kitchen.

Since she was more than half expecting Tobi to try stabbing Kakashi while they were alone, Mar was pleasantly surprised to see everyone in one piece when she entered the room. "Mar-chan! I did what you asked me to!" Tobi bounced over to her, practically vibrating with eagerness. "Thank you so much, love. You can go back to what you were doing, if you'd like." After giving Mar a long look, Tobi nodded and bounded away leaving Mar with a now fully clothed Kakashi. "So. How are things?"


	31. Brief Explanation

Chapter 31: Brief Explanation

"Spent the last month as a cat, so things have been better." Kakashi replied easily, pulling at the waist band of the jeans Tobi had provided. "I thought as much," Mar said, waving a hand idly. "So, I need to know. The anticipation is killing me. How the hell did you end up in a cardboard box on my front landing?" When the Akatsuki had shown up, how it had happened had not really mattered to her. It was unimportant, and didn't really affect her directly in any way, so she had ignored it in favor of more pertinent matters. However, that was when a single group had done something that resulted in... this... and now she had two more groups. So unless they'd gotten together for a pow wow, which she doubted, there wasn't really a simple explanation.

"Naruto had gotten information regarding Sasuke's whereabouts." Kakashi began, looking to the side. That explains why they showed up together, though not how they accomplished the impossible. "When we arrived, it was as expected so we weren't prepared when things went.. badly. I had been in the process of creating a new time/space technique, and though it wasn't ready the situation was dire enough that I felt it necessary to attempt it regardless."

"And so you all ended up here. As cats. I take it that wasn't the original plan."

"It was supposed to be a limited distance teleportation, yes. It would seem there was a slight miscalculation on my part." Kakashi shrugged philosophically. Mar nodded, looking over his shoulder thoughtfully. "You look so depressed when you're thinking." Kakashi observed, tugging at his shirt's collar. "And you, sir, are fidgeting. What's the problem?" Mar was getting annoyed at the unnecessary movement. "I feel constricted." Kakashi said, tugging at the jeans again.

"I did say it was a rough guess at sizes. Deal with it, we'll be going shopping later." Naruto flew into the room. "Sensei!" Kakashi rocked at impact, Naruto now attached to him in a hug. Mar 'aw'ed at the scene, causing Naruto to let go in a hurry. "Yes, Naruto, it's nice to see you too." Kakashi said, patting his former student on the head. It didn't matter how much time had passed, some things never changed. "Now we just need Sakura-chan, and Sasuke!" Mar cleared her throat. "I still think you're missing someone."

"Like who?"

"Sai..." Mar said slowly, giving Naruto a special look. "Oh! Yeah, him too I guess."

"I can feel all the love in the room." Mar giggled, leaning forward slightly to wrap Naruto in a hug. 'Love Goes Boom' started blasted through the apartment, and Mar went into the living room to hunt down her ringing phone. "Hello?" A pause. "Really?" A look of intense discomfort. "Do I have to?" Shoulder slump of defeat, followed by the saddest look ever made. "I'll be there, I guess." Mar hung up the phone, hitting the end button a few extra times to make sure, and turned to the room. "Life sucks, and it's taking me down with it."

"What did you do now?" Sasori asked, having once again claimed the t.v. Kisame lost television claiming rights when he decided that 'Real Housewives' was an enjoyable viewing experience. "Tobi!" Mar called, setting off in search of him. "Yes, Mar-chan?" A very cautious answer from a suspicious seeming ninja. "I need you!" Launch, impact, Tobi sways as Mar pounces on him. A look of surprise crosses Tobi's face before he starts waving his arms around. "What?! But, but, Mar-chan!" Blinking a couple times Mar quickly realizes her error. "No, no! Not like that! I need you to go somewhere with me."

"Are we going shopping?" Tobi asks, carefully stepping away from her. Mar shakes her head vehemently. "Nope! Family barbecue."

"What the fuck? Why the hell does he get to fucking go?!" Hidan looked over the back of the couch. "Because he was specifically requested. That's why."

"Why the hell would anyone want Tobi to show up anywhere, hm?" Deidara was giving poor Tobi an evil look. "Enough, guys. I'll bring one more of you, if you want, just shut up." Deidara and Hidan sized each other up, while Sasori gave them both a calculating look from the sidelines. "I'll go!" All three looked to the entryway, where Naruto was standing casually. Both arms crossed behind his head, he was giving Mar an expectant look. After a quick mental overview of her choices, Mar grabbed Naruto's and Tobi's arms and dragged them both out after her. "Do you suppose I should have stopped them?" Kakashi asked lightly, regarding the recently slammed door. Sakukitty came up behind him and swatted at his leg. Looking down at her, Kakashi was rewarded with a dark look and a low hiss.

"You don't have to fucking worry. Mar is capable of keeping the fucking peace." Hidan muttered, sulking over having been left behind. Kakashi glanced at him, wondering for a moment how a small civilian girl was supposed to 'keep the peace', before deciding that Mar must have been able to keep her house in one piece somehow. Well, they would see.


	32. Mind Blown

Chapter 32: Mind Blown

Tobi, having seniority, got the front seat on the way to Mar's grandmother's house. All of the gatherings were held here, since it had the most room. It's been established that Gramma has a spending problem, and it has resulted in countless additions being built onto the sides of the house. And a full service garage in the backyard, which was still big enough for a pool and a badminton set. Not only was Mar's family shameless, they were nuts. "Okay, Tobi-dear knows the rules since he's been through this already. Naruto, please behave. No mentioning how many people are living with us, or sleeping arrangements." Mar turned in her seat to give him a stern look. "I will love you forever if you do this for me." Naruto's face took on an interesting hue, which Mar was expecting, and he stuttered out a positive response. With one last stern look Mar sighed and exited the car.

"About time you showed up." Her mother was lying in wait. "And you even brought Tobi!" Herding them all into the house, they walked through and left out the back door. The grill was going, over by the tool shed, and it would appear that someone had set up the badminton. Her mom was probably going to challenge her later. "Mar's here!" Momma announced, pushing the three of them into the lion's den. "Oh, and you brought your boyfriend too!" An aunt exclaimed. "No, Auntie Sharon, I have no boyfriend. This is Tobi, he was here last time. This guy is Naruto, he's new in town so I'm showing him around." Mar placed a hand on Naruto's back to shove him forward. "Well, isn't he a cutie." Sometimes her aunts refused to see reason. Naruto fidgeted, looking uncomfortable with all the attention.

"Yes, he is rather adorable." Mar agreed. Naruto refused to go any pinker than he already was, so instead of turning the brilliant shade of red Mar was expecting he pursed his lips and looked away. Mar was rather disappointed. It was entertaining to see how many colors Naruto's face could become. "Still not my boyfriend though." Mar added, noting the look on her aunt's face. "If you say so, kid." The worst part of the disbelief is how blatant it is. At least pretend to buy the story being handed to you, really.

Backing away from Aunt Sharon, Mar and the boys made their escape. Walking along the edge of the yard, they managed to avoid quite a few potentially embarrassing encounters by pretending not to see the waving hands. Finding an unoccupied corner, Mar glanced around quickly. "If we play our cards right, this will be painless." Tobi smiled, a slightly evil tinge to it. "Really? How can we do that, Mar-chan?" Mar grinned back, "By not moving from this spot!" So saying, Mar plopped herself onto the ground. "Pooka Bear! Come play with me." As if on cue, Momma called out to Mar while waving a racket in the air.

"Pooka Bear?"

"Don't ask." Mar ran over to her momma, grabbing a racket and getting ready for a game. One of the few sports Mar has no issue playing. Smacking the birdie over the net, aiming for as much distance as she could manage, Mar and her mom kept the game going for a good while. "Well, I've never seen Mar move so much." Naruto observed, eyes moving back and forth as he watched the birdie. "Yes, Mar-chan is rather lethargic." Tobi agreed, watching Mar run back and forth. "So, how long were we planning on pretending we're buddies?" Naruto asked, turning to look at Tobi.

Tobi turned as well, and they stood there staring each other down for a good while. "Mar-chan asked us nicely to play nice with the new guys, so we shall do so until we manage to go back." Naruto nodded, having suspected as much. "Do you know how long that would be?" Tobi shook his head. "Leader-sama hasn't figured out what went wrong yet. Itachi-san has been helping him, but Itachi-san's sharingan doesn't have that kind of ability. So he can't really help all that much."

"Sharingan?" Naruto asked, looking at Tobi in surprise. Tobi nodded emphatically, "Yes! Isn't that how Naruto-chan and his team got here?" Naruto paused, thinking back to the day they had arrived. "I guess so. Kakashi-sensei did do something weird before it happened." The birdie bounced off Naruto's head. "Hey! Watch where you're aiming!"

"Watch where you're standing!" Mar retorted, grabbing the birdie and heading back to her side. Naruto rubbed his head, completely unnecessary since the birdie is made of soft rubber, and glared after Mar. A girl walked up behind him, tapping his shoulder before he had a chance to notice her. "Hey, you're staying with Mar, right?" She looked at him expectantly, large blue eyes trying to seem innocent. "Yeah?" Naruto replied warily. "Cool! So, how have you guys been doing?"

"Alright, I guess?"

"Just alright? Oh, and you're the guy the were talking about. From last time, right?" The girl had noticed Tobi standing behind Naruto, out of sight from casual observers. "Yup! Who are you?" Tobi tilted his head, giving her an expectant look. "Oh, how rude of me. I'm Dee, Mar's sister."

"How many sisters does Mar-chan have?" Tobi asked, glancing around the yard. "Just four. Anyway, as I was saying, you've been doing okay staying with Mar?"

"Yup!" Tobi chirped. "Four?!" Naruto asked, eyes impossibly wide. "You don't think she's weird?" Dee asked, ignoring Naruto. Tobi's eyes flashed, "Why would we think that Mar is weird?"

"Because she is. I should know, I've known her longer than you." Dee glanced over her shoulder as she heard her name. "Gotta go, see you around." Tobi watched her go, face unreadable. Naruto was gaping, still unable to grasp the idea of so many siblings. "I see you've met my adorable little sister." Mar's voice came from behind them, sounding rather cheerful. "I won." A wide grin was on her face when they turned to see her. "Yup, we met your sister."

"Four!"

Mar blinked, "What?" Tobi giggled, which Mar found unnerving, and explained about Naruto's malfunction. "Oh! Yeah, four. And my adorable little brother, who you've met Tobi." The smell of something burning could be detected as Naruto's mind short-circuited.


	33. Surprise

Chapter 33: Surprise

Shaking her head at Naruto, Mar went over to the one thing making this whole trip worthwhile. The grill, which was being manned by her dad. "When's it gonna be done, daddy?"

"When I say so." It would seem that she wasn't the only one to harass him so far. "When are you going to say so?" Mar continued, mouth stretching in a grin. Daddy gave her an annoyed look, and ignored the question. Passive aggression runs in the family as well, it would seem. Irritation ran through Mar as she walked away. Glancing back to the corner where she'd left her boys, Mar felt her eyes widen as she realized they were no longer there. Spinning in a circle, Mar tried to spot the wayward ninja. No luck, though, as they were both very out of sight.

There were two possible explanations, one, they decided to abandon her to the wolves. Or two, they were ninja-napped by various members of her family. One guess which one she's going with. Growling lowly, Mar debated whether it would be worth saving them. They're ninja, they should have seen it coming. Coming to a decision, Mar sighed a bit before heading back into the house. It's the only place they could be where she can't see them. Not in the kitchen, or laundry room. The living and dining rooms are empty as well, which only leaves the game room.

As she was about to open the door, Dee opened the door a crack and squeezed herself through. "Hi! How have you been?" Instantly suspicious, Mar squinted at Dee as she was being herded away from the door. "I'm good... What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Dee was being too upbeat to be believed. "Where're my boys?"

"Oh, they're yours now? I thought you were all just friends." Dee attempted to look even more innocent, which started up an alarm in Mar's head. "They became mine the moment I claimed them as my friends. You know how it works with us." Mar set her jaw, grinding her teeth in annoyance. "Now hand 'em over, man."

"Where do you think I have them, my back pocket?" Dee asked, hands on her hips. "The game room, duh. The one room I seem to be banned from." Shaking off the hand holding onto her right arm, Mar spun on her heel and bee lined for the game room. Before Dee could grab her again, seeing as how Mar could be quite light on her feet when she needed, Mar ran through the door. Confetti flew into her face, and while she tried to clear her face Mar could hear party horns. "What the hell." It's not her birthday. It was, two months ago, but that would be awkward if they three her a surprise party now. Therefore, it couldn't be for her. But then they would have told her about it, when they invited her. Can't buy a birthday present when you're uninformed. Dammit, her family officially lost their minds.

Mar turned, heading back out the door. "Where are you going?" Dee asked, blocking her path. "Home." Mar answered cheerfully. "But, Mar-chan, you'll miss the cake!" Tobi said happily, bouncing onto her back. "Not a fan of store bought cakes. You'd have better luck bribing me with home made cake."

"Even with whipped cream icing?" Momma asked, waving an arm over the cake on the table. All she needed was the cheesy game show music to make that visual complete. Mar's eye twitched, quickly followed by her lip. "Damn, you have discovered my secret weakness." Heading for the ping pong table, where everything was set up (go figure), Mar looked for Naruto. He was in the back, party hat flattening down his crazy hair, looking down. Detouring around the cake, Mar grabbed onto Naruto's arm and yanked him along. "Come along, love. The ice cream is the best part."

"It's your birthday, Mar?"

"Nope! This is a very late surprise party. Trying to catch me all off guard, I guess." Mar grinned sideways at Naruto. "It is closer to your birthday, isn't it?" Naruto looked shocked, "How do you know when my birthday is?" Mar looked at him in surprise, "Of course I know your birthday. It's hard to forget, since it's the same day as my dad's." With one final shove, Naruto was forcibly placed at the front of the line. "Now eat cake, and be happy." Momma handed Mar the knife, seeing it was her cake and all, and Big Guy groaned. "We're gonna be here forever, you know she's gonna try and make all the slices perfectly even."

"Yeah, like last time." Kristin added, leaning against the bar. The game room was just cool like that, with a t.v and bar, pool and ping pong tables. The stereo in the corner was playing something her siblings listen too, 'cause they have no taste. The jukebox was in the other corner near the door, on yet unused. After carefully depositing cake slices onto the required number of plates, and ducking as Tobi snatched his and spun around to run off, Mar went over to the stereo and shut it off in favor of the jukebox.

After typing in enough songs to last the next half hour, sure to annoy anyone not interesting in Golden Oldies, Mar snagged Tobi and Naruto and pulled up some bar stools. "So, Naruto. My family. What do you think of them?"

"They're... uh... different?"

"You mean nuts."

"No! I mean, they are kinda out there, huh?" Naruto looked sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yup! My family is nuts."

"Hey! I resemble that!" Kristin objected, sticking her fork in her cake. "Don't you mean resent?"

"No, I meant resemble." Turning around she flounced off. "See? Crazy family."


	34. Birthday Neglect

Chapter 34: Birthday Neglect

Hours after she had originally planned making her prison break, Mar found herself stumbling up the stairs to her apartment. Caught between her two escorts, who were making her stumble, Mar had an arm thrown over each of their shoulders as they tried to walk side-by-side up the stairwell. Good thing they were all on the thinner side, or someone would have gotten stuck. Kicking open the door, and setting a few of the more jumpy ninja on alert, the three party goers entered the apartment. Naruto, on Mar's left, blew the party horn he'd taken home while Tobi threw confetti into the air. Mar, trapped in the middle, giggled as the small pieces of confetti floated to the ground. "What the fuck have you been up to?" Hidan demanded, sensing he'd been left out of a good time. Not that it was hard to determine, with the party hats still perched precariously on everyone's heads. "Best surprise party ever." Mar informed the room, disentangling herself from the two party high ninja. "I would have brought you back cake, but it was gone."

"You're the one who ate most of it." Naruto pointed out, raising the horn to blow again. Sakura hissed at him before he got the chance. "I know, I didn't say it wasn't me." Mar retorted, snatching the horn out of Naruto's hand and chucking it at the trash. She missed, with her god awful aim, and ended up bouncing it off Kakashi's head. "Sorry! I suck at aiming." Kakashi gave her a flat look, rubbing the spot she'd hit. "No kidding."

"What's your excuse? Forgot how to duck?" Mar asked dryly. "And you claim to be all ninja-like." Snickers were heard around the room, while Kakashi glared at everyone in general. Mar bowed to her audience, just in time to avoid the pillow Kakashi chucked in retaliation. "Damn. Missed." Mar stuck her tongue out at him. "In other news, it has been brought to my attention that we have another birthday to celebrate soon. You will end up with cake after all." All she got in return were blank looks. "Who's birthday is it?" Kisame asked, looking around the room for the culprit. "Naruto's! And my dad's, but that's another matter." Kakashi turned to Naruto, eye curved in an invisible smile. "Well then, I suppose we'd better plan a party." The beaming grin was bright enough to rival the sun. Considering it was early fall, this wasn't really saying a lot. It was bright and contagious enough to make Mar grin in return. "Why is he the only one to have a birthday celebration?" Kakuzu asked, staring at Mar. "Because he and Deidara are the only birthdays I know?" Mar said sheepishly, copying Naruto's neck rub. Deidara collapsed into her back, wrapping his arms around her neck. "You know my birthday, hm?"

"Cinco de Mayo, bro." Mar replied, giving a peace sign. "Cinco de what?" Naruto asked, bewildered. "May fifth. It's one of the biggest drinking days of the year." Mar clarified, nodding her head decisively. "That's how you remember my birthday, hm?" Deidara asked, giving her a flat look. "No, I just think it's funny that everyone is getting drunk on the day of your birth."

"Oh, gee, thanks. Hm." Maybe Deidara had been spending too much time with Mar. "And those are the only birthdays you know?" Sasori repeated, eyes glinting mischievously. "So you didn't ignore their birthdays on purpose?"

"What?!" Mar asked, eyes widening. "Who's birthday did I miss?" Sasori smiled wickedly. "Just Kakuzu's, and Itachi's." Konan spoke up from the couch, where she and Kisame had been watching Nightmare Before Christmas. Yes, t'was the season already. "It was also Pein's birthday." Mar hung her head in defeat. "Why did no one bring this up sooner?!"

"We're highly dangerous ninja criminals. Does it seem like birthdays are really all that important to us?" Kisame asked, giving the flying ghost dog an odd look. "Well, no. But I feel bad anyway, so we shall have to do something for your birthdays." Mar looked thoughtful for a moment. "Though I'm not sure what, yet."

"You really do look depressed when you're thinking, Mar-chan."

"Shut up, Tobi-love."


	35. Oops

Chapter 35: Oops

Mar was in her room, giving Pein a stern look. "Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday?" Pein was giving her a neutral look in return. He didn't really seem impressed with her tough girl posture either. Maybe it was the lack of muscle mass. "It was irrelevant."

"It was the day of your birth, bro! How is that irrelevant?!" Mar looked appalled. Though she really had no room to talk, seeing as she'd forced her family to wait two months to surprise her for her birthday. Now it was clear to the rest of the household why she'd insisted on staying home for movie night. "I apologize if I find searching for a way home to be of more importance." Pein answered, giving her a cold look. Mar slouched, defeated. "I know. How's that going anyway?"

"With Kakashi's input regarding his own, misfire, we shall soon be ready to go."

"How soon? Like, before winter sets in soon? Because not having to buy whole new wardrobes would make me very happy indeed." Pein nodded, sitting regally on Mar's bed. Mar was still deciding whether that was amusing or impressive. She was thinking about settling for both. "Within the next month or so, I believe."

"Wait, what about the cats who haven't turned back yet? Will they do so automatically when you all leave?" Mar asked suddenly, remembering the fuzz balls she still had running around. "That I do not know. We have not been able to determine what caused the transformation to begin with, so there's no telling if it will reverse itself." Mar nodded, looking concerned. Sure, some of the ninja who were still trapped within furry bodies weren't her favorites, and some she outright hated, but that didn't mean she wanted them to be stuck like that forever.

Though it would be hilarious if they were. Especially Sasuke. Can't stand that guy. "One theory is that since we do not exist in this word as flesh and blood people, the fabric of reality had to... fold, for lack of a better word, to accommodate us." Pein continued, standing and moving to exit the room. "It... makes some sense, I suppose." Mar allowed, looking doubtful. It made more sense than having a magical being suddenly appear in a world that has no history of magic just to cast curses on unsuspecting ninja victims. Now that would be a plot twist Mar could see happening in Harry Potter. Draco insults the wrong witch, all hell breaks loose with quite a few people being dragged along as collateral damage. Mar felt her lips twitch at the thought, highly amused at the mental picture of Draco-as-kitten.

After Pein left, presumably to do leader-like things, Mar claimed his spot on her bed and tried to think. She had promised all the people who's birthdays she'd missed a birthday treat. Now she had a time limit, and no idea what it is she should do for them and it was driving Mar up the wall. Not literally, since she's not bad ass enough to stick to walls. The door, which had remained open a crack, was pushed wider and a large kitten glanced into the room. Jugo, she guessed. Yet another ginger kitty to add to her collection. What it is about this anime/manga and all the red heads? "Well, hello there little sir. How may I help you?" Jugo looked up at her from the floor, meowing softly and pawing at her pant leg.

"Nnn, even though you're affiliated with that Uchiha, I can't help but find you adorable." Reaching down and scooping him up, Mar proceeded to pet the not so little kitty. Soon Jugo had started to purr, and Mar had started snuggling him into her chest. She hadn't really noticed how much she missed her ninja kitties until she got the chance to give another one some loving. When Mar had gotten so into the cuddle session she'd completely forgotten that it wasn't actually a cat she was smothering in affection, Mar gave him a smooch on top of his head. This was how she found herself being pressed into the mattress. "Ack!" The extra weight quickly removed itself from Mar, apologizing profusely the entire time, and offered her a hand to her feet. Mar had been right with her guess, the large ginger was definitely Jugo. "Are you alright?"

"Have you seen the way I sleep? I'm used to being squashed." Mar responded, rubbing her stomach. "Wait. This doesn't mean... does this mean that Team Emo needs... I have to kiss you to turn you back!? Are you kidding me?! Karin nearly slit my wrists for nothing!" Mar was both furious and mortified. Not only was she being assaulted for nothing, but her least favorite group of people required something she'd rather die than give. Unless they managed to be as adorable as Jugo, which she doubted. Even if she did 'cure' Sasuke, Karin would probably try to rip her eyes out. Mar placed a hand over her eyes, both in response to the sudden migraine and Jugo's lack of attire, and groaned.

"Mar-chan, are you okay? I heard shouting..." Tobi rushed into the room and saw Jugo standing awkwardly in the center of the floor. "Mar-chan! Are you bleeding?!"

"No..." Mar said lowly, still holding a hand over her eyes. She moved the other arm across her stomach in order to support the arm covering her eyes. "Then why is.. Who is he again?"

"Jugo."

"Then why is Jugo human again?!" Tobi asked loudly, flailing his arms and attracting the attention of everyone in the living room. The rest of Team Emo quickly assembled, Karin carefully looking away from Jugo, and sat around his feet. "Someone please..."

"I'll see if I have anything." Kisame said, walking back into the hall. "Big Blue, I love you to pieces." Mar said gratefully. "Anytime, kid."

"Enough with the kid, please. I'm too old for that." Mar said, giving him an unamused look. "Whatever-teen isn't old, squirt." Kisame said, coming back into the room. He gave her a toothy grin. "I haven't been a teen for awhile, thanks."

"How old are you?" Jugo asked. It would seem that being pressed into a girl's chest ups the intimacy instantly. Which it pretty much does, actually. "More like twenty- something or other. Let's leave it at that."

"Back on topic. How did Jugo change back?" Kakashi asked, waving a hand to gain her attention. "I'd rather not say. It's not ever happening again. Trust me."

"Kiss." Jugo said shorty. Mar gave him a dark look. Naruto, who had just gotten back from his run (damn the kid had energy), started cracking up. "Shut up, brat." Mar's demand just made him laugh harder.


	36. Halloween Plot

Chapter 36: Halloween Plot

After Kisame, bless his heart, found clothes for Jugo everyone reconvened in the living room. "So, let me get this straight." Mar started, rubbing her temples. "Team Sunshine needs blood, and Team Emo needs affection. Does anyone else think this sounds backwards?" Sasu-kitty gave her a look, turning his little nose up at her. Mar ignored the little beast in favor of rubbing Sai's ears. She had always adored Sai, since his character was just so... fun. Not that she expected any of her other boys to agree, once they got a taste of his non-existent personality.

Plus the boy could draw, and Mar had also always been jealous of this fact. She couldn't draw a straight line to save her soul. Back on topic. "Oh! And I was also informed that it's nearly time for you all to leave. Say a month, give or take, which means we will all be together for Halloween."

"What's that?" Naruto asked, flipping through a manga he'd found on the table. "A holiday designed with you in mind." Mar grinned ruffling his hair. Naruto scowled as he waved her hand away. "So, which costume road shall I travel?" There were two choices, awesome scary or barely clothed slutty. Most female costumes fall into the second category, sadly. Mar refused to use the second category, on principal, and usually buys costumes with two purposes in mind. Halloween, and Anime Boston.

Which means that the costume would have to be a cosplay, but which anime? Originally, Mar had planned on being Obito. Not Tobi-Obito, young Obito. The one that strongly reminded Mar of Naruto. Now, she wasn't sure if that would be a great idea. Mar was actually pretty sure it would be a horrible idea, but she had no idea what other option she had. Maybe a redo of her Mello period? Mar would have to ponder the question. "Group cosplay! One that I can pull off solo, when you all abandon me."

"We aren't abandoning you, Mar." Itachi denied idly, reading the third Harry Potter. Itachi reads the way she does, at the speed of light. Apparently going steadily blind doesn't hinder that at all. "Call it what you will, it's still abandonment. I'm going to develop a complex." Mar pouted, using the puppy eyes that had served her well with Hidan. Itachi just patted her on the head. Sighing in defeat, Mar went over to her laptop to search for an anime with enough characters for everyone. "Not gonna fucking happen." Hidan dismissed, lounging in the recliner. He seemed to have claimed the t.v from Sasori, who was pouting over in the corner. "Oh, why not?" Mar asked. "There's free candy in it for me, if I play my cards right."

"I'll go with you, Mar." Naruto offered, flipping another page. "Awesome! Fine, you spoilsports can just miss out." Mar wrapped an arm around Naruto's neck, squeezing slightly in a hug. "A two man team, right. ... I dub thee Matt." Mar eyes him, making Naruto uncomfortable. "How do you feel about dying your hair?"

"Why would I dye my hair?" Naruto asked, bewildered. Mar started typing on the laptop, clicking around until she found the perfect picture. "Because of him!" Mar announced, spinning the screen around with a flourish. "If I resurrect my Mello cosplay, you can be him."

"Who is him?" Naruto asked, staring at the bright red hair. "This is Matt, Mello's best friend. Do it." Mar grinned at him, flashing the peace sign. "Be my best friend. Please." Naruto sighed. Then he seemed to think about it for a bit. Finally, after much ado, Naruto nodded. "But do I really have to dye my hair? Can't I just do a transformation?" Mar paused, thinking it over. "Well, sure, if you want to be lazy about it."

"Cool! When are we doing this?" Naruto exclaimed, getting into the spirit. "It's not until the end of the month, so we have time to plan." Mar explained, already checking online for Matt cosplays in Naruto's size.

"But! I wanted to be Mar-chan's best friend..." Tobi complained, pouncing on Mar from behind. Bracing against the impact, Mar reached over her head and patted Tobi's. "It's alright, Tobi-love. You can be my real life best friend."

"Yay! That's even better!" Tobi then proceeded to strike a triumphant pose. For some reason, no one thought they had heard the end of that.


	37. Succubus?

Chapter 37: Succubus?

One costume ordered, check. One costume dug out of the depths of a closet, double check. One hyper Tobi who refuses to let Mar out of his sight? Yeah, Mar had known that somehow telling Tobi he could be her best friend would be a bad idea. Mar had expected Tobi to get excited, maybe even a bit boastful just to irk Deidara, but refusing to leave her alone with anyone? It would also seem that Tobi had declared a monopoly on escort duty. His partner varied, he did not. Mar was being driven up the wall. "Why don't you let someone else take a turn, so you can get some time to yourself?" She suggested, fingers crossed behind her back. "As your best friend I must escort you wherever you may go!" The hero pose he also adopted would have been rather impressive, if Mar hadn't been so depressed by the answer. "Can I come Mar?" Naruto asked timidly, eying the Akatsuki. Itachi had informed Mar that the others had been ganging up on the hyper blonde, preventing him from taking his turn. After all, why should the Akatsu-boys hog all the travel time? Naruto deserved to go places with her as well.

"Of course! I shall guard you from the succubus." Kakashi looked up from his book, giving Mar an incredulous look. "Did you say succubus?" The look intensified when the entire room started nodding their heads. "Yeah, hm." Deidara confirmed, a haunted look in his eye. Poor Deidara and Itachi had gotten the worst of it, seeing as how Sasori had discovered that showing intense interest in Mar not only embarrassed the hell out of her but also kept the harpies at bay. Deidara was a slower learner. Not slow, because slow ninja don't last long, but slower. By the time he had seen Sasori's game, Sasori had maneuvered himself into a position where no one else could use the same trick. Itachi just didn't give a damn. Seriously, with all the bull he'd had to deal with over the course of his life, why the hell should be care about one little civilian teenager? Even if she was obnoxiously inappropriate.

Thank god for Keaton, who managed to capture her attention by merely existing. Whenever Danisha started getting truly out of hand, Mar would call Keaton down to the front. The moment he came into view, whatever Danisha had been about to say just stopped. "Why would you willingly work with a succubus?" Kakashi asked, giving Mar a disbelieving look. "It's not like I had much of a choice. I'm not in charge of the hiring, and I can't just quit." Mar said flatly, waving a hand around. "How else would I take care of all my boys?" Great, now she sounded like a Sugar Mama. "I just wanna know what the hell a succubus is." Naruto said. He looked adorably confused. "It's a mythical creature, usually female, that devours a man's life force through... well... sex." Mar explained, shrugging at Naruto's alarmed look. It wasn't like there was an actual succubus involved, and sure the reference was a bit extreme under normal circumstances. Danisha is not normal circumstances. "Still gonna come?" Mar asked, grinning mischievously. Naruto nodded uncertainly. "Yeah, I'll come."

"I can handle it myself, Mar-chan." Tobi objected, shoving Naruto aside to reach her. "I'm a good boy, Zetsu-san said so." Mar patted him on the head, "I know you are Tobi-love." Speaking of Zetsu... "Has anyone seen my Phantom lately?" Mar asked the group, the majority shrugging at her. Halloween specials had caught their attention. "You don't really see much of Zetsu, normally." Kisame pointed out, watching Charlie Brown try and catch a Great Pumpkin. Mar had never understood the need for this special. Charlie Brown was made for Christmas. "I know, but I get nervous when I can't keep tabs on you."

"Stalker."

"Concerned friend slash babysitter." Mar objected, frowning at the accusation. "Because you knew Deidara's birthday by chance." Itachi said, helping the case against her. "That's because of the fanfiction! Someone mentioned his birthday somewhere and I remembered it for whatever reason." Mar would never admit being a Deidara fangirl. Nearly throwing her laptop across the room when he died proved nothing. Nothing she said. "Uh-huh. Right." Kisame teased, ruffling her hair. That was the last time Mar sat next to him. Traitor.


	38. Et Tu, Naruto?

Chapter 38: Et Tu, Naruto?

Naruto met Danisha, and the first thing he said? "She doesn't look like a man-eating sex monster." Apparently Jiraiya taught him tactics, but not tact. Thankfully Mar managed to drag him away before Danisha had a chance to do anything other than blink at him. "Really, bro? Really?" Mar hissed at him, pushing him into a corner. "Sorry! I didn't think first, it just kinda popped out!" Naruto explained, raising his arms to defend himself. "I'm not gonna try to hit you, do I look like Sakura?" Mar snapped, giving Naruto one last cross look before heading to her post for the day. Tobi leaned against the wall above Naruto. "Ooo, Mar is mad at you." He sang, a rather pleased look on his face. Tobi was going to miss the time spent without a mask. "I said I was sorry!" Naruto wailed, plopping his head onto his crossed arms.

Danisha tried to corner Mar a few times over the next hour, but failed miserably. Until Mar got herself cornered in the bathroom. "What the fuck did your new boy toy mean by that?" Mar let her eyes widen, trying to appear as innocent as possible. "I'm sure I have no idea. He probably heard a rumor from somewhere." Danisha continued to stare at her, unblinkingly. Squirming uncomfortably, Mar inched her way around the irate female and retreated out the door. Tobi was out there waiting for her, smirking at her obvious discomfort. "What's wrong Mar-chan?" Mar glared at his very legit-seeming innocent face. Mar would have to get him to show her how the hell he manages that. "As if you don't know what happened." Mar accused, pointing a finger at Tobi. "Naruto-chan said he was sorry." Tobi pointed out. "Chan?"

"Yes. Naruto-chan. And Mar-chan, and Deidara-senpai, and Leader-sama..." Mar cut him off, wishing she hadn't said anything. "I get the idea, Tobi-love. I'm just still confused au suppose."

"Confused about what, Mar-chan?" Tobi asked, head tilted to the side in inquiry. Mar still found that adorable, it didn't grow old. Add in the facial expression and Mar was hard pressed not to hug him on the spot. "Why you use honorifics, but speak English. It makes no sense to me." Not that Mar was complaining, or anything, it was nice to understand what her guests were saying. "English?" Tobi asked, now confused himself. "I'm not sure I know what that is."

"You're speaking it now, how could you not?"

"I'm speaking Japanese, Mar-chan. As are you." His voice had changed. Mar mentally smacked herself upside the head. "I don't know Japanese. I can sprinkle a few words in here and there, but conversational Japanese?" Tobi got a very scarily serious look on his face, and Mar smacked herself again. "How strange." Tobi pushed himself away from the wall, walking to the stairs. They had gone up into the associate only area, because Mar refused to use the public bathroom downstairs. The people who frequented the store were disgusting. "Where are you going, Tobi?"

"I'm going to inform the others of this little development."

"Does it count as a development if it's been happening since day one, and no one's noticed it?" Mar questioned. Tobi paused, thinking it over. "Even if it doesn't, it's still a new piece of information that may help us go back sooner." Mar's eye twitched, and she nodded while sighing. "Okay, I'll watch Naruto."

"I don't need a babysitter!" Naruto shouted, an accusing finger pointed in there direction. "Oh? So 'man eating sex monster' wasn't a sign that you need a shorter leash?" Mar asked, watching Naruto squirm with a grin. "I said I was sorry!" Mar just laughed as she went back downstairs.


	39. All Good Things End

Chapter 39: All Good Things End

Finally, the day (and night) Mar had been waiting for arrived. Her hair had been dyed a couple days ago in preparation, and Naruto's costume had arrived the day before. Lucky for the shipper, because if it had been late there would have been hell to pay. The candy had been purchased, and hidden, for whatever trick-or-treaters stopped by while they were out. Mar had had a hard time deciding who she could trust with that, but eventually someone had volunteered. Course, whether she could really trust Sasori with small children was still to be determined. The apartment had been decorated accordingly, with expert opinions on how the blood splatters should actually look. Mar had a reputation to uphold on Halloween.

The landing had your standard cobwebs and rubber bats hanging. The stairs leading up had glow in the dark eyes peering from between the poles on the banister. If you paid attention you could see the eyes move, and blink and stuff. One pair was actually designed to wink at you, but no one had found that pair yet. A motion activated witch would cackle as you walked the last few feet to the door, and finally, once the doorbell has been safely rung... Sasori had been a good sport, and would be answering the door as the puppet from the Saw movies. If no little kids burst into tears, Mar would be vastly disappointed. She had also better not hear any parental complaints, since she posted a warning at the bottom of her stairs. Next to the severed head, so that the warning would be taken seriously.

"Remember-"

"One per customer, I know." Sasori was well known for impatience, a fact Mar seemed to have temporarily forgotten. "Awesome. Naruto! You ready yet, bro?" Naruto came into sight, the stick of the Tootsie pop Mar had gotten him replacing the cigarette. "What the hell is this guy on. I mean, this outfit makes no sense!" Naruto tugged at the collar of his shirt. "How should I know? If I ever meet him I'll be sure to ask for you." Mar pulled at the hem of her vest. "Are we ready?"

"Candy is in the bowl, ready to be passed out."

"All electronics are plugged in and ready to scare the shit out of people." Hidan was particularly enjoying the holiday. "The playlist is loaded and ready to go on your outdoor sound system. Why do you even have an outdoor sound system?" Kakuzu had been roped into helping set up. Mar had been forced to sacrifice one of the jewels her dearly departed grammie had left her. A worthy cause, in her opinion. "I have my reasons. Anti-trick measures?"

"Implemented and ready to mess with whoever tries to mess with you." Deidara confirmed, an empty package of modeling clay in his hand. "Nothing too damaging, I hope." Mar cautioned, eying Deidara suspiciously. "Just enough to scare any of the cowards away, hm." Deidara assured her, an unholy gleam in his eye. Mar gave him another look before nodding and grabbing a small bag. Mar only hit certain houses, 'cause the people living there had known her forever and would give her treats no matter how old she got. Sometimes if she hit the houses right at the end of the night, they would just dump whatever they had left into her sack. Mar's chocolate addiction thanked them every year.

"Please don't do anything that could get me into trouble. Please." Mar made one last plea before pushing Naruto ahead of her out the door. Dodging other Halloween celebrants on the street, Mar led Naruto through side streets on their way to the first house. Haunted house music was playing in the front yard, and Naruto jumped when a cat's yowl split the air. "Dude, really?" After the doorbell had been rung, Mar patted Naruto on the shoulder. "It's okay, honey. It's okay."

The haul by the end of the street was astounding. "No one's been out tonight." Mar heard at several houses. "It's not like when I was a kid." A few of the older people kept saying. Oh, well. Their loss and Mar's gain, since all the houses she'd been hitting were just dumping the bowl in her sack. If it kept up like this she'd have to stop off at home to switch bags. "This is the best Halloween of my life." Mar said gleefully, cackling over her bag of goodies. "I'm getting some of that, right?" Naruto asked, staring over her shoulder at the Reese's. It would seem that Naruto has a highly addictive personality, and Mar had introduced him to a new addition. "You can have the Peanut Butter Cups, and we'll negotiate over the rest."

"Deal!" Naruto and Mar continued down the street, stopping at several houses before reaching the corner leading to the park. "Auntie Lena!" A small zombie rammed into her side. "Heya, Kayden. How's the haul?"

"Everywhere we go we've been getting bowlfuls." Mant said, coming up behind her son. Mar nodded, hefting up her own take. "I can dig it." Naruto bounced on his toes, clearly ready to be on his way. "Auntie, who's that?"

"My newest bestest buddy. Naruto, this is my sister and nephew." Introductions out of the way, and the two groups deciding that going separately would be better for their respective hauls, Naruto and Mar continued on her usual route. By the end of the night, Mar had had Naruto run back for a new sack twice.

They got home just in time for an important announcement. "As you are all aware, our combined efforts have supplied us with a means of returning home." Mar nodded, as did a few of the other occupants of the room. They had had that meeting a week ago, after the jelly bean incident. "We have just finished final preparations." Pein finished, glancing around the room. 'Indifferent as usual,' Mar thought glumly as she glanced around herself. There was excitement, and a few of the more socially adjusted ninja were looking particularly joyful. Mar really couldn't blame them, they were going home after all. "But what about Mar?" Naruto suddenly asked, nudging the girl next to him.

"Mar stays home and enjoys all the peace and quiet once all the destructive ninja are gone." Mar replied, nudging Naruto back. Pein nodded. "It would be highly impractical to do otherwise. Mar is a civilian, untrained and an easy target to anyone who learns of her connection to us. It would be better for her to stay here." Mar couldn't help but agree. Though to be honest, she'd expected different reasoning behind them not bringing her along. Say, 'We don't want that annoying chick hanging around us.' Mar had no illusions to her tendency to rub people the wrong way.

"But! I'll miss Mar-chan!" Tobi knocked Naruto away as he tackled Mar. "It's okay Tobi-love." Mar said from the ground. Sounding muffled from her face being pressed into Tobi's chest, Mar continued. "It's not like I'll stop being your best friend, Obito." It seemed as good a time as any to confirm his suspicions about her knowledge, last few minutes together and all. Plus, it wasn't like anyone else was close enough to hear what Mar had said through the muffle. Tobi stiffened slightly, nodding his head slowly. "I guess, Mar-chan." Worming her way from under Tobi, Mar stood up and retreated to the edge of the room. "Naruto! Grab whatever candy you want. I did say I'd share." Nodding glumly, Naruto grabbed two of the sacks. Mar noticed that he had taken the ones with the most Reese's in them. Such an addict.

Pein nodded to Itachi, who motioned for Sasuke and Kakashi to take their respective places. Sharingan eyes blazed to life around the room, including the barely discernible one from Tobi, and soon there was a flash of light. A pulling sensation started at the base of Mar's skull, a side effect of being so close to the action perhaps. With one final flare, the light died down enough for Mar to notice two things. One, this wasn't her living room. It was a very lush forest clearing, with bunches of wildflowers and a small stream bisecting it. Two, Mar was alone. The large group of ninja she had just been in the company of were no where to be seen. "Well, damn." Mar had not signed up for this.


	40. Bonus! Hidan's Turn

Chapter 40: Bonus Chapter- Hidan's Turn

Bonus Chapter

Hidan had managed to strong arm his way into Mar's work place, and he wasn't about to fuck it up. Watch your language, she says. Put the damn shirt on, she says. No touching me in ways people will misunderstand, she says. Hidan wasn't entirely sure about that last one, but judging from the looks on Tobi, Deidara and Sasori's faces she probably had a good reason for it.

And so Hidan found himself sitting in front of the counter, blocking the register that no one ever uses, flipping through a magazine that Konan had found for him. Fifteen solid minutes of listening to him whine about how boring it is leaning againt the counter had spurred her into action. The pharmacy next door had had an issue with bikini chicks in it, and well... Hidan had a bit of a reputation. There was a reason why none of the partner pairs got down time simultaneously. A mountain range a few miles from the base had been demolished after Deidara saw something he really wished he hadn't.

The other girls behind the counter were launching barbed questions at his hostess, which she was ignoring in a rather impressive manner. Those bitches were lucky he was determined to be on his best behaviour, or Hidan would have gutted the lot of them already. There was a bit of an iffy moment when someone had asked how he managed to get his hair that awesome silver color, and Hidan had told her it was his natural hair color now go away. His glare had been more than enough to get the bitch to back off, but she'd immediately gone to Mar to ask if the carpets matched the drapes.

Mar had turned a lovely crimson color as Konan stepped on Hidan to keep him from gutting the poor girl regardless of the consequences. "How the hell should I know?!" Sure she'd seen him in a towel, but the towel covered those bits! Seriously! "Well, since you're sleeping with all of those boys you're shacking up with... I just figured you'd have noticed. Unless you were a bit busy." The wicked smirk that bitch gave Mar made her turn a purple color. "I saw nothing, I did nothing. Drop it." Hidan snorted as Mar fled to the other end of the counter, pretending to be busy stocking bags. "She's totally lying." The obnoxious one said, Dan- something or other.

"Let's stop harassing them, and get back to work." The tall one said in her bored voice, staring at the clip board every had spent at least five minutes staring at that morning. Mar had explained that the break schedule was posted there, as well as whoever else was in the store. "But why the f- hell does it take five minutes to read the damn thing?" Hidan had asked. It wasn't even that long of a list. "Because people be bitching about their times and try to wheedle their way into a better spot." Mar had said as she rolled her eyes. "Seriously, I have lost faith in humanity."

After flipping through the magazine for the tenth time Hidan made a frustrated sound deep in his throat and tossed it above his head onto the counter he was leaning against. "When are we leaving already?" Mar dropped another issue onto his head. "When I'm done." After Mar had moved back to the counter behind the registers, up against the wall, another girl walked up to him. Judging by her lack of uniform she was a shopper, and judging by that gleam in her eyes she was interested in getting to know him better. Hidan groaned as he realized that he was going to have to try and do this without making a scene. Neither drama nor crime.

"I'm gonna go stretch my legs or whatever." He muttered as he slouched away, hands shoved in his pockets. The footsteps coming from behind him proved that the dumb bitch had followed after him, like Hidan had thought she might, and he got ready to be as horrible as possible without drawing attention to himself. "Look, I don't care who you are, or what the fuck you want, but I'm not interested." Hidan spun on his heel to give her the coldest look he could muster. "What, you got a girlfriend or something?" Bleach blonde and busty. Hidan wouldn't have been surprised if 'tramp' had been stamped across the back of her pants.

"Or something, now get lost." He didn't have time for this shit. He was supposed to be keeping an eye on Mar while Konan worked her way around the store. Now this chick was getting the fuck in his way, and Hidan was already pissed because he was bored. "Either you have a girlfriend or you don't. Even if you do, she'd never hafta know." With this last statement blonde bitch glided over to Hidan and started to snake her arms around him. With the most amusing 'oh shit' look on his face, Hidan shoved her off of himself and stepped back a few paces.

"Listen you ugly-ass bitch." Screw mister nice guy, nothing ever goes right for mister nice guy. "Even if I didn't have a fucking girlfriend I wouldn't go anywhere near you. Only Jashin-sama knows what the fuck diseases you have, and I like my dick just the way it fucking is. Now get your skanky ass the fuck away from me before I really lose my fucking temper." This entire rant was said in the softest steel-edged voice he could manage, because even in the middle of a rage fueled rant Hidan really would rather avoid getting in trouble with Mar. Blonde bitch's face morphed from mildly 'not-so-unattractive' to hideously angry as he talked and by the end of Hidan's little speech she looked livid.

Bitch raised her hand as if she were considering a nice smack across the face, but the look on his face quickly made her change her mind. Slutty, yes. Suicidal? Not so much. With a furious huff, she turned on her heel and marched off in the opposite direction. Hidan scowled at her back for a minute before turning and walking back up the where Mar was smiling at the customer she was helping. "Feel better?" She asked as he settled himself back into his corner. "Oh, yeah." Hidan answered as he picked his magazine back up. "You've no idea."


End file.
